


it's more than a can of lemonade

by littledewdrops



Series: it's more than a can of lemonade [1]
Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Bade - Freeform, Behind the Scenes, Episode: s03e03 The Worst Couple, Episode: s04e06 Tori Fixes Beck and Jade, F/M, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Jealous Beck Oliver, Pre-Canon, we deserved to see this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28150440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledewdrops/pseuds/littledewdrops
Summary: when jade west gets him a can of lemonade for his birthday, contrary to what beck oliver believed in, it meant way more than that.// a deeper look in beck & jade's relationship
Relationships: Beck Oliver & Jade West, Beck Oliver/Jade West
Series: it's more than a can of lemonade [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2106261
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	1. it's more than a can of lemonade

**Author's Note:**

> just a four chapter fanfic, because we deserved to see more of them in the canonverse (and i just really want to give depth into beck & jade's relationship)
> 
> _disclaimer: victorious & its characters belong to its respective owner._

* * *

_their beginnings_

* * *

**_The first time they met_** was unlike any other. Because while Beck Oliver seemed like a boy who was out of this world, Jade West was a girl who settled for anything but normal.

It happened during their freshman year in Hollywood Arts, barely a few days since classes began. Both individuals, respectively earned their spot in the popularity ladder. Jade West being known as the infamous scissor-loving mean girl, who also happened to be one of the few students who passed the Bird Scene on their first try. Beck Oliver, on the other hand, being the stereotypical pretty boy, the aspiring actor who seemed like a prince charming cut out from a picture book.

Contrary to popular belief, they were a lot more similar than what meets the eye. Afterall, while the raven-haired boy had always been sought as the epitome of perfection, the azure-eyed maiden had become an embodiment of fear. And while, they easily caught people’s attention, it was hard to tell what people saw in them. Whether it was the caricature of themselves or whether it was the talent, the truth, and everything else that they hid underneath.

And although Jade West never really gave a shit about everyone else, Beck Oliver had often been the center of attention. That's why, to his surprise, when he meets the girl for the very first time, she was glaring daggers at him as if one look can bury him six feet underground. The boy finds himself dumbfounded, as he takes a moment to recall what had just happened a few seconds back.

He was vaguely able to remember how the bell rang; how he walked out of the classroom, barely able to open the can of lukewarm lemonade he bought prior to class; how he was flocked by both boys and girls before he even realized it; how he bumped into none other than Jade West; and finally, how he manage to drench the girl with the can of lemonade he was holding.

"Crap. I'm sorry" he immediately apologizes, thankful that the people who had been crowding him were at least able to realize that they were in need of space; or rather how everyone seemed to run away at the sight of her.

"You're _sorry_?" she repeats his words, with a voice laced in sarcasm. "Well, _'sorry'_ won’t dry my clothes, now will it?"

He was taken a back for once, having never received blatant animosity from anyone, much less a girl. He was Beck Oliver, after all; the object of many people's fantasies, a boy who's path other people worshiped. And not that he was so full of himself, but he had grown up coddled by his parents who had turned so overbearing and strict, he grew up with so many friends and people who was so fond of him.

"Uh..." he attempts to find the right words to tell her, "I really am sorry."

"If you'd like, I have my gym kit in my locker and some spare—" Beck was about to suggest until he finds himself drenched in coffee. It didn't take a genius to put two and two together, the empty cup in the brunette girl's hand seemed to have given more than enough answers.

And without another word, she walks away from him, her pride held high as he catches a glimpse of her long brown hair, clipped in a half up-do.

"Dude, what happened?" Andre Harris enters the scene late, oblivious to what just occurred. He simply finds the boy whom he had befriended on the first day of school, with his oh-so-perfect hair, drenched in what used to be iced coffee.

"Jade West," Beck answers and that seems to be enough of an explanation, because Andre immediately buys it.

"Damn, bro" he looks at his friend as Beck opens his transparent locker in search of his clean towel. "I'm glad you're still alive."

"She can't be _that_ bad" the other boy attempts to reason out, knowing there should be more to her than the rumors say.

"Beck, people either faint, cry or pee their pants when they _try_ to talk to her" Andre looks at him as if he were a crazy person. "You're seriously telling me you're not afraid of her after she just drenched you in coffee?"

"It's iced coffee" he says as if it were better, "and no, I'm _not_ afraid of _the_ Jade West."

_In fact, he even found her interesting._

After all, _for once_ in his life Beck Oliver had never earned any antagonism from anyone, much less a girl he had just met. _For once_ in his life he never found anyone like her, and at one point he even wondered if she was kidding around to purposely catch his attention. Because _for_ _once_ in his boring ordinary life, he had never met a girl as extraordinary as her.

And right then Andre Harris could've sworn he was scared for his friend,

"You're _crazy._ "

And Beck couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle.

* * *

**_The first time they starred in a play_** , Jade West came to terms with the boy's talent for acting. And as aggravated as she was the first time they met, she had to admit that he was actually pretty good. Although, she swore she would never say that to his face.

"I can't believe I have to act with Beck- _I'm-so-hot-and-perfect_ -Oliver" she groans in annoyance, beside the quirky redhead, Cat Valentine, who despite having been obnoxious and weird at times, had invaded enough of her personal life until they had turned friends.

"What's so wrong with Beck? He seems like he knows his stuff, doesn't he?" Cat wonders, unable to determine the reason why her best friend seemed to hate someone so much for no specific reason.

" _Exactly_ " Jade snaps, her voice laced with venom, "He's good at his stuff, but he's all humble about it and he's actually trying to improve! That's what makes it so _damn_ annoying."

"But Jadey, you do those things too" the redhead objects, getting a lot more confused as the minute passes.

"Not the point, Cat" her blue eyes flare with irritation, "He has to be hiding something."

"Why?" the innocent girl fidgets, playing with her hands as she strays from the topic, "One time, my brother—"

"Because no one can be _that_ hot and _that_ perfect!"

"Why, _thank_ _you_ " the raven-haired boy interrupts their conversation, and Jade almost pulls him by the collar.

"Eaves-dropping, aren't we, Oliver?" she smiles menacingly, "Not a very gentlemanly hobby."

"Look, I just don't get why you hate me so much." Beck raised his hand in defense, "Is this still about the lemonade? I said I was sorry."

"I don't trust _you_. So, if you think, I'm going to be one of those girls who'll worship the ground you walk on. Then you're dead wrong. So, scurry off before I cut you up with my new pair of scissors." Jade glares, immediately grabbing her weapon from the pocket of her bag.

" _Whoa_ , easy there" he lowers the sharp tip away from him. "I didn't say you're anything like those girls."

"Pfft, so what? Now that I'm hard to get, you're trying to get my attention? Or are you trying to please me like you do everybody else?" the girl scoffs, followed by an eyeroll, as Cat zips her mouth, knowing that there is no one in the whole universe that could fight against Jade West.

Beck Oliver may possibly be the only exception.

_Damn, she really isn't easy_ , was the first thought that enter his mind, because somehow, she was a tad bit right. One, being he was interested in her and two, being he is trying to woo her over.

"Alright, come with me," he attempts to hold her by the wrist only to be snapped at.

" _Never_ touch me," she hisses, but follows him, nonetheless, allowing Cat to run free.

They stop once he's in front of his locker. But she doesn't see the point of moving all the way there to the other side of the hall.

"What?" Jade snaps at him.

"See? It's clear," the boy ignores the irritation evident in her voice as he knocks on the plastic, as if to prove a point, "I got no secrets just like my locker."

"Well, _clearly_ , that's a lie" she refuses to agree. "And I'm going to expose you."

"Okay" he shrugs casually, despite knowing that there was a tad bit of truth in her words.

"Oh, maybe I do have _one_ ulterior motive" Beck admits before Jade is able to turn back and leave. "Can I take you out for some coffee?"

" _Smooth_ , Oliver" she couldn't stop the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"Is that a yes?"

" _No_ "

And with that he finds himself in a constant exchange of asking her out and getting rejected.

* * *

**_The first time he decided to eat lunch with her_** , she kicked him from under the table as soon as he sat down. Beck Oliver was popular, it wasn’t even a secret. Girls fawned over him and even some boys follow him around. People always approached him from any corner, although, honestly, he had to admit, he enjoyed his personal time a lot more.

Thus, when he sits in Jade West's table in the Asphalt Cafe, people dispersed as if he took a step into the underworld.

"Go away," the brunette finally speaks after some time, wondering if the boy in front her would take a hint for once.

" _Nah_ " he brushes her off, as if she wouldn't threaten him in a heartbeat.

He was a first, she thinks. The first person who could aggravate her this much. The first who couldn't take _'no'_ for an answer. The first person who challenged her.

"Why can't you be like other people?" she lets out at exasperated sigh before asking.

"What? Those who quiver at the sight of you?" Beck asks her, as if his brown eyes saw right through her.

 _Right_.

Jade West was downright terrifying, the same way people made her seem, the same way she made others believe she was. Barely a few weeks in school, she already intimidated others with her presence, be it her multiple talents or the way she presented herself as an untamable shrew.

The azure-eyed girl was a personification of fear because she liked it that way. Because if people were scared of her, no one would come closer. No one would enter her life without warning. No one would leave her. No one can hurt her.

Because deep down, she wasn't as brave or strong as she appeared to be. She was as fragile as anyone else, and she would never let anyone know that.

"That's the way I like it," Jade insisted, before feasting on her burrito.

He shrugs, "Well, I don't get scared."

Everyone has a fear of something. Either he's just too prideful to admit it or he doesn't know.

"That's a lie" she calls him out immediately, refusing to buy his claim.

The boy, nevertheless, looks unfazed as he tells her, "I told you, I don't lie."

"That's another lie" she calls another bluff. "Two in one day, _wow_ , Oliver."

"Why do you even want people to be scared of you?"

"Because I don't like people"

"To some extent, I don't too."

"What?" Jade looks at him, dumbfounded.

_Beck Oliver, Mr. Popular, the pretty boy, the aspiring actor loved by all?_

Jade couldn't find the exact words she was finding, but it was certainly hard to believe. After all, if he wasn't always fond of people why didn't he just tell them off? Why was it so hard to say _no_? He didn't exactly seem like a pushover, but was he?

"I just want some quiet time sometimes, you know?" He looks at her as if he knew she understood him. "And with everyone awfully fond of you, it's pretty hard to say no."

Beck Oliver was a people pleaser, she could tell. He was _too_ nice; _too_ perfect. And it irked her to no end. For someone who always openly expressed her dislike for everything, she couldn't fathom what goes in the mind of someone who was nearly the exact opposite of her.

"If you want them gone, then say so," Jade rolls her eyes at him. "Now leave before—"

"You stab me with your scissors? I know you a little bit better now, Jade West" he continues for her, with smug grin. And she swore she hates him.

She hates how he keeps asking her out for coffee. How he was trying so hard to get close to her. How he was able to predict her.

Jade West hates surprises but she also hated it when she seemed predictable; when people act like they know her.

"I was going to say _I'll cut you up_ " she corrected him.

"Whether you like it or not, we'll be stuck together for the play. You can’t get rid of me just yet" he reminds her of the next four agonizing hours they'll spend rehearsing together.

" _Obviously_ "

"I'm glad you’re my partner"

"I'm not"

"Why? Scared I might outshine you?" he teases, and the girl almost throws her burrito at him.

She narrows her eyes at him, "You're asking for it, Oliver."

"I'm kidding." he raises his hands up defensively, a habit he often did around her, "I just wanted to ask for a favor"

"What?" she snaps, quirking up an eyebrow.

"I've been thinking of rehearsing our parts together. I wanted to make sure everything's perfect. It's our first time being the leads, and all."

He immediately had her at rehearsal.

After all, she worked so hard to get her spot, and if anything, Jade West didn't do half-assed. Because she treasured her passion more than anything, she always gave her all for her craft. And after all the snide remarks she gained from her parents about going to an art school, she knew she had to prove them otherwise.

And so, in the span of a month, despite having her reject him for a total of 21 times to grab coffee together, **_for the very first time, she agrees to his offer to spend time together after school._**

"Fine. Your place at 6." she agrees almost immediately, sounding more eager than before, as she warns him, "I'll meet you at your locker. Don't make me wait."

"And then coffee right after?" Beck tries to push his luck, knowing how much the girl loves her coffee.

But nevertheless, fails.

"Don't push it."

* * *

**_The first time they kissed_** wasn't exactly caused by anything romantic. It was simple, really. They were the lead roles of the biggest play of the first semester, despite the fact that they were only freshmen. The Hollywood Arts yearly tradition was a Shakespearean play directed by the seniors, the second most important production prior to the final senior production.

It was nearing two months since they began rehearsals, and things were getting serious soon. Jade West knows how important this was for her, and in the same way Beck Oliver gave it his all. He wasn't lying when he said acting was his passion, because what they did, they both did it seriously.

So, when their upperclassman and director tells them they'll change up the kiss scenes, there was no room for complaints.

"Cut!" the twelfth grade director shouts as he looks down on his copy of the script, before giving out remarks. "It's too stiff. Clearly fake"

"I know you kids are freshmen and this is your first big production. Normally, we adjust for the rookies, but it needs to be perfect. So, we need you to do an actual kiss. A stage kiss" he turns to the couple on stage, waiting for a response.

"Got it" Beck and Jade answer simultaneously, and although he expected more complaints, he was equally surprised they didn't have any. After all, the last thing everyone knew, Jade West hated Beck Oliver's guts, and he never relented.

"Really?"

"Let's get it over with," she shrugs, keeping a calm facade on her face despite how she was internally screaming in fury.

"Okay! Take 9. Act 1 Scene 5" the director calls, and everyone returns to their positions.

They reenact the scene without their scripts, having been rehearsing both inside and outside rehearsals. Jade takes one step forward according to her part, looking at Beck in the eye.

She doesn't break eye contact, quirking her eyebrow as she recites Juliet’s line, "Saints don't move, even when they grant prayers."

"Then don't move while I act out my prayer," Beck responds as Romeo, his hand lifts her chin as another hand finds its way on her waist. He leans in as she keeps still. His lips meet hers and Jade could've sworn she felt butterflies in her stomach. She _hated_ it.

"Now my sin has been taken from my lips by yours" the boy continues and lets out a small smile.

"Then do my lips now have the sin they took from yours?" the azure-eyed maiden returns the smile almost teasingly, as she maintains character.

"Sin from my lips? You encourage crime with your sweetness" His face inches closer towards her again, "Give me my sin back."

And they kiss once again, though she returns the kiss, with her hand on his neck. And at that moment they both could've sworn something hit them both. Though, Jade West would never admit that, and somehow Beck Oliver doesn’t either.

"Scene!" their senior calls and the couple on stage immediately pull apart, avoiding eye contact. "That was perfect guys! Keep it up."

* * *

**_The first time he actually witnesses her jealousy,_** she grabs him by the collar as some sophomore girl follows him around. It had been weeks since the showing, and without the ability to use rehearsal as an excuse to spend time with Jade, the most he could do was ask her out for coffee. But with no surprise, she had always turned down his advances.

While she found it easy though, when it came to Beck Oliver, he always had a hard time turning down other people's invites. And the manner in which he always failed to tell others _'no'_ , couldn't help but piss her off as much as she hated it when he didn’t settle for _'no'_.

And at that exact moment, he was at a lost for words.

"Meet me after school. Jet brew" she pulls him away from the girl, who was throwing herself at him, and almost immediately he gives Jade a smile. A part of him wonders if she was the same Jade West he'd been trying to woo over for the past months.

"What?" Jade snaps as she quirks an eyebrow, and he could definitely tell that this was the girl who caught his attention the first time he met her.

"Nothing" he tried to sound as casual as he usually did, despite the smile that formed on his lips "You just stole the words right out of my mouth."

She hates his smile. It makes butterflies flutter in her stomach, and she hated that feeling more than anything else. But for once she lets it pass.

"Told you, you don't know me" she smirks, believing she has the upper hand.

"Well then, I'd like to know you more" he counters, and immediately, the scowl on her face returns.

"Don't make me wait!" she warns him before walking away for her next class, and likewise he responds.

"I know!"

That afternoon, with free period being her last class, the brunette arrived an hour earlier than the boy would. And although she did tell him _not to make her wait_ , having left out the last detail, she wasn't honestly expecting him to do so. But she didn't mind, she liked being left alone with her thoughts in a bustling cafe.

She'd preferred that over her own home. The home she grew up in, with vivid memory of her parents' constant arguments. The home that split apart as the years passed. She'd prefer the busy cafe accented by the aroma of coffee, over the empty house that awaited her or the other house that she didn't have a place for.

She wasn't fond of people, but nevertheless, sometimes, blending into the crowd was the best hiding place. And as she basks in the comfort of coffee and the background noise, she grabs her black leather notebook, and scribbles down her thoughts into a song, like she always did.

And though, at first glance, she didn't seem like the type to immerse herself in a journal, before everything else, Jade West was an artist. She wrote stories with ink and embodied her thoughts into songs. Although she was known as a performer, before everything else she wrote before she sung, she came up with ideas before she acted for roles. It was the part of her that people failed to acknowledge.

Thus, when Beck Oliver arrives, he wonders what it was that she was so busy working on that she failed to notice how he was standing right behind her. And as he hears the sound of a hum escape her lips, as he glanced down on the lyrics written on her journal, he could've sworn that at that moment, he realized he liked her more than he thought he did.

It was a different side to the snarky Jade West he was accustomed to. She still put her guard up around him, but the girl sitting in front of him was softer than the image she put up. And his friends would probably call him crazy but a part of him knew he wouldn't have seen this side of her if he hadn't persisted in getting to know her.

It was one of those moments that he didn't regret having accidentally poured lemonade on her or having been drenched in coffee when they first met.

And so, he catches her attention, to let her know that he was there, as he spoke up from behind her.

"Hey."

* * *

**_The first time he sees her go on rampage,_** had nothing to do with Beck Oliver. It wasn't due to her bouts of jealousy, or even about being rejected for a role she deserved. And as unreasonable as Jade West seemed to be, she always had her reasons. It was something he realized having gone on a number of coffee dates that almost spanned for half a year.

They weren't exactly official, but they've gone on more than enough dates despite her reluctance, and eventually it was easy for people to tell that there was something between them. After all, it wasn't easy asking her out for coffee, but it hadn't been that difficult when their dates escalated to movies, arcades and even their own homes.

But don't get them wrong, they weren't official, Jade always insisted.

Thus, the reason why the blue-eyed girl was running around on campus in hellbent rage was completely unknown to him, until he finds the redhead chasing after her from behind, barely managing to catch up.

He gets even more puzzled, when he pulls onto Cat Valentines's arm, and realizes the girl looked like she had been crying a few moments ago.

" _Whoa_. What happened, little red?" Andre Harris looks at her from beside Beck, asking before his friend was able to. "Did you get into a fight with the ice queen?"

"No!" the shorter girl exclaims in a moment of panic as she lost sight of her friend. "Jadey plans to kill someone!"

"Who?" the two boys ask simultaneously, having difficulty deciphering the quirks of the redhead like everyone always did. Although their group of friends had somehow gotten close together (courtesy of Beck and Jade), Andre Harris was not completely used to her weirdness, but having met Robbie through Cat and Beck, a part of him thinks that everyone fit together. She didn't seem _that_ crazy amongst the puppet boy, the scissor-loving girl, and his friend who actually has a thing for the said goth.

Nevertheless, everyone knew better than to make Cat cry. In fact, who would even dare to make the sweet innocent maiden cry? It was a mystery to both of them.

"You know this guy I've been seeing who I've been talking about the past few days? Well, we broke up because it turns out he just played me. And—" the crimson haired girl rambles, as they barely catch up on what she was saying, "And now Jadey is furious. And she promised me she'd kill him and cut his wiener off, and I don't want her to get in trouble! I don’t want to see blood! Beck, you have to stop her!"

"Me?" Beck looks at her, unsure of what could happen. He was barely able to grasp the subject, what more when Jade's fury was evident in the sound of her stomps?

"If anyone can do it, it's you man," Andre assures him, because he knows that other than the fact that the boy isn't afraid by anything, there was something special between the two from the way he talked about her.

If anyone could tame Jade West, it was no doubt, Beck Oliver.

And from this, he runs a hand through his hair as he says, "Watch Cat for me, Andre."

Jade West was a girl with a lion-heart. She was brave, despite all the insecurities she kept hidden. She was the type to speak up about what she hated up to your face rather than stabbing you in the back with underhanded tactics. Oftentimes she was mean, but Jade West wasn't entirely unreasonable. And although she often schemed or said words that were out of hand, it doesn't make him like her less.

So, when she finally calms down, much to his suggestion and Cat's insistence, she settles for cutting up pictures of her best friend's ex-boyfriend, after vandalizing them with a thick black Sharpie marker.

What surprises him though, was when Cat runs up to him as soon as the bell rings, signaling their next period.

"She always does that" she tells him out of the blue as they walk together towards a mutual class.

"What?" he asks her, trying to get just a bit more context out of the redhead.

"Jadey is mean sometimes. And she's always bossy, but she always protects me, even before we went to Hollywood Arts. It's why were friends. I worked so hard to be her friend" Cat rambles, and Beck wonders what it was she truly wanted to tell him.

"It's really hard to get close to her but, Jadey is nice sometimes. She's my best friend." the girl speaks up before mumbling, "Don't take her away from me."

He softens up when he realizes how much he was monopolizing the brunette with blue eyes.

"I won't take your best friend, Cat." he assures her, before asking for her permission, "But is it fine if I date Jade? I really like her."

"M'kay." Cat hums, seeming content with his answer, "But don't hurt her. I'll get mad if you break her heart. One time, my brother met this girl and he really liked her but then he—"

"I'll take care of her." he cuts her off midway, with a smile on his face, "I promise."

* * *

**_The first time tries to tell her he loves her_** happens after a series of unfortunate events. To begin with, Jade West had been avoiding him for a week. And Beck Oliver didn't have any clue as to why— or maybe he did, but he wanted to hear it from the girl himself.

After all, when he asked her if he could kiss her on their last date, one look into her eyes and he knew he messed up. He couldn't completely read her mind, and although he had a vague idea, he could never be too sure. But something in his gut, definitely told him that she was afraid.

The girl who embodied fear with her dark clothes and ganky personality— _The_ Jade West was scared of something, but he couldn't tell what. Though, despite having been avoided like a plague for the last few days, if he learned anything in the span of months that he knew her, it was that giving up was never an option.

So, when she screams " _trespasser_ " as soon as she finds him in the balcony of her room, he knows better than to remove his hand that covered her mouth.

"I'm gonna call the police!" she says through muffled words, as she tries to escape from his grasp.

"Your brother let me in, calm down," Beck assures her and finally lets her go when she softens under his touch.

"That brat, I told him not to answer the door," the brunette curses under her breath, as she tries not to squirm under the gaze of the boy in front of her.

Beck knows better than to back off, so he changes the topic and doesn't beat around the bush, "Why were you avoiding me?".

"Because I do what I want."

 _Ha. Ha. Typical Jade West._ He had the greatest urge to roll his eyes at her, but there were other issues to be discussed.

" _Jade_ ," he pries, knowing that she'd do anything to avert the topic.

So, he waits until she's ready. Beck takes her hand in his, until Jade musters up the courage to tell him. Although when she does speak up, the first thing he hears from her felt like punch in the gut.

"I don't want this. I don't do relationships, Beck." Her voice cracked, and somehow, he couldn't tell which hurt more: her words or her weakness.

It was the most fragile he'd ever seen here. After all, Jade West didn't flaunt the fact that her parents were divorced. That while her dad was happy with his new wife and their yappy little dog, her mom tries to play a happy family with her half-brother and her new boyfriend. But she wasn't happy.

A part of her cursed them for making her miserable, for putting her through all those sleepless nights and all those gruesome fights a little girl could barely take. A part of her was scared that history would repeat itself, and someday people would leave. She was absolutely terrified, that in the same way they acted their characters in the first production they starred in, like Juliet, she would risk her life for Romeo.

And she hated that cliche. She hated many things, but most of all she couldn't understand how one person can give nearly everything for someone else. She was scared of the fact that one day she would too. And right in front of her was Beck Oliver, who seemed like the first candidate she would ever fall for.

So, she does what she does best. She fights. And perhaps Jade West was a fighter, but more than that, if all else fails, the only thing left to do was running away from it all.

But Beck always manages to catch up to her; always manages to lower her guard down. Because for once she lets herself be vulnerable in front of him; for once, she lets him know how she feels despite how hard it was for her.

"I don't like what I'm feeling. I don't want to get attached to you. I don't want to give you the opportunity to hurt me. I don't want to spend every minute feeling scared thinking that there will come a day that you'll just leave." she rambles, and her voice cracks again as she admitted, " _I don't want you leave_ "

"Hey." he lifts her face to look her in the eye as he does what he can to assure her, "I don't know where those words came from but I won’t hurt you. I won’t leave you. Jade, I—"

"Don't say it, Beck. Please," Jade cuts him off.

 _He loves her. And she knows it_.

But the moment he says it, everything would feel real, and she isn't confident that she could still put her guard up around him. And she also knows that those were the same words her father used to tell her mother. Nevertheless, her mother left with her in tow and her father didn't care enough to chase after them.

She didn't need to hear those empty words again.

"Okay." he obeys her, but he doesn't pull away as his brown eyes meet her blue orbs. "But I’ll stay. And if you don't like me expressing how I feel about you then, I won't say it unless you ask. But, can we put an end to this vague relationship? I'd really like to introduce you as my girlfriend, yeah?"

She doesn't say another word, but her grip on his hand tightens, and he takes it as a sign to kiss her.

"Okay" she breathes when they pull apart, she doesn't let go of his hand. And at this, Beck Oliver smiles.

* * *

**_The first time she tells him she loves him_** came to him as a surprise because it was one in the morning and it had been raining that evening. And for once, she knocks on his RV door, despite the fact that she had a key, despite the fact that more often than not, she breaks the door rather than uses the key.

So, he opens the door, surprised to find her out in the rain. Whether it was tears that ran across her face, or raindrops, he couldn't even tell, because for all he knew they were fighting earlier that morning and she refused to talk to him after her angry outburst.

It was the first time they broke up. And although, a part of him knew she might have been joking, or she may have been lost in her emotions that she wasn't thinking rationally, the other part of him was nervous and trying to keep himself in check by thinking about ways he could get back together with her. And he did plan to make up with her first thing in the morning, but he didn't necessarily expect that they would _literally_ make up, first thing in the morning as soon as he woke up.

"I love you" were the first words that came out of her mouth, as soon as he faced her.

Having just gotten up from bed, he couldn't tell whether or not he was dreaming. But the way her voice cracked, and the way he felt a pang in his chest when she spoke, was enough to tell him that everything was real.

Jade West rarely gave sincere apologies, but even if this weren't one, he'd choose it over a _'sorry'_ any time.

"Say you love me. _Please_ " she pleaded, snapping him out of his thoughts, and as soon as he looks into her desperate blue eyes, he couldn't even remember what they fought about. She looks unsure, as if she thought he was still upset her, as if she doubted that he’d even get back with her.

"I love you" he assures her, and pulls her close thereafter, initiating a kiss.

They barely recall the fact that they were standing in the middle of the rain, when they hear a car pass by and its headlights blind them, and they pull away from each other.

They don't say anything else, but Beck makes sure to kiss her forehead before leading her into his RV. He lends her a clean set of his clothes, and he changes into his after they take a shower. He leads her to the bed and tells her how much he loves her before she even dares to ask. He peppers her with kisses and shows her how much he _does_ love her. Their fingers intertwine, her free hand reaches towards his beautiful hair she was so fond of, and their bodies wrap against each other's.

And despite their lack of sleep that night, despite the lack of words, despite how tired they felt through it all, for once Jade West was completely assured that Beck Oliver loved her. And in the same way, even though she didn't say it as often, he knew she did too.


	2. it takes ten seconds to split the world apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the following episodes: pilot (1x01), stage fighting (1x03), jade dumps beck (1x05), the worst couple (3x03)  
>  _disclaimer: victorious & its characters belong to its respective owner._

* * *

_her fears and insecurities_

* * *

Jade West was a girl people feared. She was a tough, unwavering, and despite the fact that she only showed her vulnerable side to less than a handful of people, everyone still knew that she was someone that shouldn't be messed with. They know she's never scared of letting her thoughts be known. They know she'll never hold back in fight. They know that she could ruin lives if she wanted to, and no one dared to get past that.

But what others failed to notice was how the girl's icy blue eyes would chip, a little more often than they knew.

She wasn't fearless but she was good at hiding her fears. And a number of them happened to be the same ones that kept her up in the morning, as she basked in her thoughts that caused a lump to form on her throat, that she found hard to swallow. And when she wakes up later that day, she'll act like nothing happened and would be tougher than she usually was, with a pair of scissors hidden in her clothes and her words sharper than ever.

But nevertheless, she never thought there would come a day that she had to face each one.

**_For one, the girl was always terrified that there would come a day, the boy she grew to love would fall for someone else._** Someone better than her. Someone who everyone approved of. _Someone everyone loved._

And although Beck Oliver didn't settle for easy, a part of her had also been nagging in her head saying that if he meets someone that proved him wrong—someone that wasn't easy but wasn't as unreasonable as she was—he would eventually fall for that person and leave.

It was a fear that presented itself in her jealousy and possessiveness, a fear that was aggravated when sweet and nice Tori Vega entered the picture.

The first time she encountered Tori Vega was actually during the Big Showcase, but she never counted that because she didn't care until one day, she entered Sikowitz's class only to find the new girl rubbing an arm on Beck like every other person that threw themselves at him.

She didn't mind it that much at first, because Jade believed that Tori was like every other girl. That—although she was mad at Beck, for possibly leading on another girl she would have to worry about—she thought was nothing out of the ordinary, other than being the new girl of Hollywood Arts.

And although Jade did get revenge by pouring coffee on the new girl's head, the next day, when Tori Vega came back to class, a feeling in her gut told her that she lost. Because no one ever came back when she was set out to destroy their life.

So, when she catches Beck from in front of her, smirk at the new girl's determination, Jade West felt constricted, like it was harder to breathe. She felt threatened.

And even more so, when by the end of the alphabet improv, Tori Vega says, "Kiss me."

_"Let's do it."_

Hearing those three words come out from his mouth, when he could literally have said anything else, hurt as much as a punch in the gut or a cut of a knife. Especially when she watched the boy she loved kiss her now-sworn-enemy on stage, in front of the entire class.

She fiddled around with their matching necklace in hopes of calming herself down. She tightens her grip on the necklace they had, that showed everyone that he was hers just as much as she was his—as if it would make everything better.

 _It's just a stage kiss_ , she tries to keep the thought in her head, reminding herself that often times Beck Oliver got lost in his role when it came to acting. She tried her best to assure herself that he loved her; that he was going out with her and nobody else. But the tight pain in her chest and the lump forming in her throat, said otherwise as tears threatened to fall from her eyes.

It wasn't the good type of pain. It felt as if her nightmares relived itself. Because she figured that one day this was bound to happen. That another girl would swoop in. That Beck will finally know that a girl hidden in the darkness of the night cannot be compared to a girl was basking in sunshine; a girl that had everything she didn't.

Because other than the fact that she knows she isn't good enough for him, there had also been countless of nights that she cried herself to sleep, recalling those remarks and gossip from everyone, wondering why Beck settled for someone like her. And at that point, she didn't know if she was tearing up from the pain or from the anger that ran in her veins.

But Jade West would never cry in front of class. It wouldn't be her.

So, she sucks it up, and puts her guard up, inching away from his chair, blending into the crowd. She closes herself into her mind, finding a distraction to keep her from breaking down. She keeps her mask on; she was an actress after all, and all she had to do was act like everything was fine—an act she put on all the time.

By the time the improv is over, with one look at Jade West, Beck Oliver could tell that he messed up badly. That he just broke her trust and crushed it into a million tiny pieces, because as soon as the bell rang, she was gone.

Beck didn't see Jade for the rest of their classes that day. But even if he did, he knew she wouldn't be talking to him. And honestly, he didn't know what to do.

Having been together for nearly two years, he had witnessed many sides of her. The Jade who took charge, who got piercings 45 minutes after her mom told her that she couldn't. He knew of the childish her, the petty Jade that always sought revenge. He had tamed the furious side of her, the one that could rile him up if he had been on the receiving end of her anger; the Jade he so often fought with, the girl with the demeanor people feared, the caricature of herself that waged war on others.

But the part of her that he always found hard to deal with, was when she was nothing like the Jade he knew of. Her vulnerable self; the girl beyond the dark clothes and eyeliner, the girl who stopped fighting, the girl who ran away from him, the girl who shut people out.

Beck Oliver would rather deal with the Jade West that screamed at the top of her lungs than the girl who closed herself off from others. Because even if he was usually unfazed by everything else, a small part of him believes that one day she would also shut him out; and the thought of it left an unsettling feeling in his gut.

So, as soon as school ends, he spends nearly two hours to search for her on campus, before Cat informs him that someone saw Jade take the bus home. He immediately drives to her house, only to find out that her mother's home was empty; and he recalls all the moments she complained about that place and how she didn't like being left alone. Midway his search, he realizes the one place she could hide in, the safest place she actually called _home_.

When he parks in his parents' driveway, he barely takes time to grab his bag before he rushes to his RV and pulls his door open. He finds her sitting at the foot of his bed, absorbed in her thoughts as she scribbles in her journal.

His heart softens almost immediately at the sight of her, and relief washes over him.

"Hey," he speaks up, to let her know he's home, as if to test the waters.

She looks up to meet his eyes. She doesn't speak up, but he notices how her makeup was thinner; how her eyelids were swollen from tears.

"Jade" Beck calls her softly.

"Why did you do it?" she asks him, as she wraps her arms around herself protectively.

He didn't know how to explain himself in a way that wouldn't upset her. In the first place, it wasn't his first stage kiss, and although most times it did piss Jade off, it never made her sad. Because it was nothing more than a stage kiss, and she knew that, and after a quick fight that would escalate in make-up sex, everything was usually all good again.

He didn't know why this one was different, why it hurt her, why it made her cry. So, even though he tries his best to assure her, a part of him didn't know how to.

"Jade, it's—"

"It's just a stage kiss. _Right_ ," she cuts him off almost immediately, before she began rambling. "But you could've said so many other things. ' _Let's not, I have girlfriend', 'Like it or not I don't want to', ' Literally anything else.'_ But yeah, _just_ a stage kiss"

"Babe, I'm sorry," he sits down in front of her, fully aware that she was hurt; and in truth, he really felt bad that he was the one who hurt her.

"You had a choice, Beck. Why is it so hard for you to say ' _no'_?" her voice cracks, and tears start falling down her face, and he takes the opportunity to pull her into an embrace.

"If you're planning on leaving someday, please just—do it _now_ " she tries to tell him in between sobs, and he cups her face to kiss her tearstained eyes.

"Hey," he tries to speak up again. "I love _you_."  
"It really was _just_ a stage kiss. Hype the audience, what not. I don't like her that way. I have _you_ and I love _you_ " Beck continues, wondering if it was just due to her fear of abandonment. But he didn't— _couldn't_ understand, what the fearless Jade West was afraid of.

"I won't leave you, I promise" he assures her with another kiss on her forehead, hoping to let her know that they're okay, that he really was there to stay.

* * *

**_Oftentimes, the girl fears that Beck Oliver would realize he deserved better._** After all, she was well aware of the fact that he could get any girl he wanted if he tried. He was a heartthrob, and although he was often _too_ kind and _too_ nice that he led people on, nevertheless, he wasn’t a player. And she knew she was so goddamn lucky that he loves her out of so many others.

But Jade West knew that just because she was different doesn’t mean she was special. Because why would anyone choose a girl who always fought against everyone; a girl with weird and disturbing interests; a girl who basked in the darkness; a girl who doesn’t want to be happy; a girl who found pain as some sort of comfort; a girl with so much baggage?

Most days, she wondered why he settled for her.

She knows that even though there were times that the childish side of him found ways to make her jealous, there were also times he finds her exhausting. She knows that even though there were times that he'd find himself shouting back at her in a screaming match, there were also times he was exhausted; times he might prefer easy.

That's why, when Andre Harris exposed her to both Tori Vega and Beck Oliver, that one time she faked a black eye when they were stage fighting, she expected him to be furious. She expected him to nag at her, to have another screaming match, to have him side with sweet Tori Vega like he always did. But he didn't.

"I got your coffee" Beck hands it to her, right after Andre uses him as a shield against Jade.

"Why aren't you mad at me?" she asks, wondering if he even heard what his best friend just said. Noticing how Jade was distracted by her boyfriend, Andre takes his chance to make a run for it, eager to tell Tori and eager to run away from Jade,

"That you faked a black eye?" he turns to her before admitting, "I already knew that."

"What?" the brunette just stares at Beck, dumbfounded with how he let her get away with it.

"I was really worried at first, of course. But when you told Tori _'and I thought we were just starting to be friends'_ , I kinda figured it out," he points out, knowing how much animosity she held towards the newest addition to their group.

She notices the other students in the hallway sneaking glances at them, so she pulls him towards the janitor's closet to keep the conversation private. And as soon as she closes the door, a question escapes her lips, "Why?"

"Why I let you get away with it?" he completes her question for her, and answers thereafter, "Because I know that you'd still hate her. I know that I can't always side with Tori, but I also thought it'd be nice if you learned to get along."

She doesn't get it.

She doesn't understand why he let her get away with things but call her out some other times. She can't grasp why he did so much for her, when she can't even do one nice thing for him. She can't accept the fact, that often times, despite how she brought trouble—despite how she was a partial reason to why he was living in an RV instead of his parent's house—he still stayed. She didn't understand why of all people he chose to stay with _her_.

Because the truth was: Jade West doesn't think she deserved him—and that was the very same reason why she feared that one day he would realize that she was right.

"Why do you put up with me?" she asks out of the blue, as if that was what her initial question was. And at that he couldn't help but think about all the little moments she asked things that was unlikely of her to.

Though a part of him hopes not, another part worries that even after the _one-year-and-almost-eleven-months_ that they dated, she might not even trust him.

"Because easy is boring," is all he says, as he pulls her into an embrace, and kisses the top of her head.

* * *

**_The girl was scared of herself, that one day she would be the one to destroy them._** Because Jade West was aware that she was a ticking time-bomb. That more often that she'd like, her emotions overwhelm her. That more often that she wanted, it was something she couldn't control.

She absolutely loathed that. She hated her lack of control, because all her problems always seem to be out of her grasp. Her parent's divorce, her jealousy, her life, the external factors in her relationship with Beck (i.e. _Tori Vega and all the other pretty girls_ ).

So, she does the one thing she knew she was best at. _She fights_. Because it was the only way she knew to protect what she had; to protect herself and to keep him by her side. After all, she did grow up in home that wasn't a perfect example of a healthy relationship. She grew up, hiding in the closet, binging on the comfort of ice cream, trying to shut the world out, as she hears the evident screams of her parents. She grew up with sleepless nights and somehow, even when everything was silent, the rage inside of her was never quelled.

A part of her hated the world. She was mad at the universe because she didn't know what _they_ had that she didn't. She would curse other people's happiness because somehow, she couldn't understand why it was easy for _them_.

So, the moment she finds out the gorgeous socialite Alyssa Vaughn was flirting with _her_ boyfriend, a part of her panics and she loses her shit.

Jade knows she messed up when she broke up with him. She knows that he had a point, that she should just trust him. But a part of her knows that just because she trusts him, doesn't mean she can't lose him. She knows that trust doesn't come easy but at the same time she wishes that he knew where she was coming from.

And that part of her made her hate her self-destructive behavior. She hated that she always dropped the ultimatum. She hated that she's still the one that came running back. She hated that Beck refused to take her back, and that he had a perfectly good reason to do so.

She hated that of all people she had to ask Tori Vega. Because she finds it harder to ask help from the people that she was closest to, and out of everyone, Tori was the nearly a stranger. Yet, a part of her thinks that he might have a soft spot for the nice girl. After all, more often than not, everyone took Tori's side.

She hated many things, and especially, she hated that she had to show weakness.

Beck Oliver knows that he wasn't in the healthiest relationship with Jade West. He knows that dating her would mean that he had to tolerate her jealousy, that he would have to gain her trust. And gaining trust from the blue-eyed maiden, was as likely as him bothering to clean up his fish tank. At times he almost seemed to think that it was impossible.

Dating Jade meant that he had to be able to calm her down; to assure her. He would have to protect her from her vulnerability; all the while protecting their relationship from everyone else who held their own opinion against them. He had to move to an RV parked in his parent's driveway, because he couldn't stand the thought of his parents nagging him every single day to break up with her, telling him that he could do better.

Jade West was in no means easy, and he was well aware of that fact.

But sometimes he thinks that perhaps what he did was never enough for her, because a part of him knows that there is another side to Jade West. That no matter how much she denies it, there was a part of her that pushes him away. And contrary to popular belief, he wasn't as mature as he seemed. In fact, that other side him—the one that gave her noogies, the one that started tickle fights, the one that bickered with her—often got the best of him. Because more often than not, there were times he purposely had her act out on her jealousy.

Because unlike him, his girlfriend rarely told him that she loved him. And the only form of affection he got from her, the only way he was sure of her feelings, was when she was furious, when she was threatened, when she fought for him.

He knows he's a jerk for that. But honestly, when he told Tori Vega that _'he couldn't remember the last time Jade did one nice thing for him_ ', he was speaking the truth.

What he didn't know was that Jade West never had the most conventional way of showing affection. In the first place, she didn't necessarily have the best example. A father who cheated and let his family walk out on him, and a mother who switches boyfriends every now and then, weren't exactly the type people she could base a relationship on.

Jade wasn't good with relationships. She already warned him before they even became official. So, when she confronts Tori the next day, in hopes to finally get Beck back, she was surprised to hear what he thought. And although she didn't say it, a part of her felt offended when they admonished her for getting him a can of lemonade for his birthday. Because she thought he always knew what she meant.

Because for her, _it was much more than a can of lemonade._

It was a metaphor. A reminder of their relationship; of how they met when he first drenched her with lemonade, and how she dumped coffee on him. It was a memory that showed just how much they changed throughout the years, and just how much she was thankful that they were still together. A message to show that despite how much she hated the beverage, she would still get it for him, a million times more if he even asked. It was a small gesture, but it showed how much she was willing to sacrifice as much as he did for her.

And although she wasn't expressive, she thought it was a meaningful way of showing just how much she loved him. She had the mind of an artist after all, and she thought the best thing she could give him was object that meant something for her.

**_She was terrified of the realization that Beck may not even know her that well._** But she doesn't give up. She refuses to stop fighting for their relationship, because fighting was the only thing she was good at (other than running away).

And as much as she hated to admit it, Tori Vega was right. She had to think bigger than beverages.

So, she gets him a dog; because he always spoke about how much he loved dogs ever since she got close to him, ever since they shared things about one another. And maybe it was a lot more cliche and boring than she liked, but she hoped that he'd realize that she did care.

Although, _Jade West_ and _nice_ never really went together, because the next thing they know, the dog bugs out and mauls Beck's father. And even though a part of her was scared that Beck was the one being attacked by the Rottweiler and another part was terrified that she lost all hope to get back together with him, she was completely relieved when she finds out that he wasn't in the RV. That he was safe in front of her.

When they finally get the chance to talk, albeit with the cost of his parents' favoring her less than they already do, he could see the fear in her eyes. He notices why she got him a dog, that she had always been listening to what he said, perhaps even the dumb stuff. He was honestly surprised that she even went so far as to get help from Tori, despite how much she antagonized the girl. He realizes that maybe Jade West does care. And he knows that _he really loves her so damn much_.

"Tori told me to get you a dog."

" _Dude_."

"Okay, it was kind of my idea," Jade accepts the blame, but this time she tries to explain herself because she wasn't so sure that he'd understand the meaning behind her gesture. So, she rambles, "but I-I didn't think the dog would bug out like that. I just wanted you to have a dog, because I know you've talked about getting one ever since I met you, and I thought that maybe—"

He cuts her off with a kiss. He couldn't even let her finish because he missed her so much, and for now, this was more enough for him. And the moment his lips part from hers, and she looks up at him with innocent blue eyes, she couldn't help but say, "You love me again."

"Who said I stopped?" he tells her, because it was the truth. And he couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her, and to pepper her with kisses, to make up for the time they spent away from each other.

Because even with all their dumb fights, he never stopped loving her for a single moment.

* * *

**_There were some nights, the girl was kept awake by the anxiety in her veins, cause by the fear that one day, Beck Oliver would realize that everyone was right_**. She knows that there were more than enough times that he insisted that they were fine, that they didn't have to listen to the remarks against them, against their relationship. Hell, he moved to an RV to get his parents off his back.

But sometimes, when the blue-eyed girl finds herself scared, she gets defensive. She fights him, because that's the one pointer she got in relationships. That fighting was normal between boyfriends and girlfriends, and that it was something they've always done. Something about that assured her, because as long as Beck Oliver fought with her, it meant that they were still together— that he didn't give up.

Although, that wasn't always enough to ease the paranoia in her veins, because there were _other times_. Times she knows that he let out an exasperated sigh, moments that showed just how tired he was. She wasn't dumb enough to see that Beck was fed up. But she didn't know how else to prove that they were fine. That they were going to be okay.

Beck had always been the one to assure her; it was hard to do it in his place because she had absolutely no idea how to. And if he himself doubted their relationship, to her it just meant that every single thing that he told her for the span of almost three years were just empty words.

It had been three years, and despite everything they were still together. They changed through time. In fact, her long brown hair had been cut into a medium length, dyed into black locks with her usual colorful highlights. Their fights eventually changed too. And although it wouldn't be Beck & Jade if they didn't argue, oftentimes it turned more hurtful than it was meant for teasing. She was the only one who can rile him up so damn much, and sometimes he lost control of those emotions.

Being in a relationship with Jade meant that things weren't easy; and Beck didn't like easy, she knew that much. That's why sometimes she acted out of the caricature of herself, in fear that one day he'd realize he was wrong about her—about _them_. She was afraid to lose her strength, the part of her he loved so much; so she refuses to show her vulnerability, because that would mean he'd lose interest.

She knew that their bickering was getting out of hand, but she didn't think he would say it in front of all those people.

_"I'm not happy with our relationship!"_

The words he said that day, felt like a bus ran into her. It was all her fears running through her head like a nightmare. She couldn't even gather enough energy—enough hope—to fight back. They were entitled the _Worst Couple_ , and although normally she wouldn't let that affect them, she knew this time it was different. Because somehow, it seemed like it was too much for Beck.

So, she does the next best thing she always did. _She runs away from him_. Because even if they were an _on-and-off_ couple, it was always Jade who initiated the breakup, and it was Beck who took her back. But what if, there would come a time that Beck was finally the one who says it? She doesn't think she could take it.

Jade West was a runner. When things get tough, although initially she tries to fight, when all else fails, she escapes.

When Beck refuses to let go of her hand, and let her run away from him, he drags her to the Janitor's Closet. Because while she didn't want to talk about it, he knew that they had to.

Because, although she never vocalized her worries, Jade was _right_ ; _Beck was tired_.

He was sick of hearing all those things from others, from his parents, and even from his friends. It was like the whole world was out to get them, and sometimes, he wasn't even sure about how Jade felt. Because Jade West always closed herself up; because no matter how many years it passed, he still found it hard to break past her walls. And sometimes, he didn't even know if she loved him. Because Jade never said it as much as he did, and she showed it even less.

He wasn't sick of fighting but he was sick of fighting _with_ her.

So, he tries his best to talk to her about it even if it meant that he had to drag her around the hallway to the closet, while she screamed _'kidnapper_.'

"This is not funny"

"Right!" she agrees wholeheartedly, expressing how she felt, "What's funny is you freaking out over a dumb game show!"

"We were voted _Worst Couple_ , and the other two couples weren't even real couples!" he argues, "One had Robbie in it!"

"Why do you care if we were voted Worst Couple?" her voice cracks, but they were too busy raising their voices at each other that he failed to notice.

But at that moment Jade was scared. They never cared about what other people thought of them. Their opinions never mattered. Their words never got to them. And yet, for once, a part of her fears that Beck is finally listening to what everybody else said, reverting to how he was back then. She was scared that what mattered more to him was appeasing others.

But she didn't want _them_ to be the one to put a label on _their_ relationship. And she was scared that Beck was actually allowing them to.

* * *

**_She was terrified of the thought that one day, he'll stop fighting for them._** But a small part of her hoped, that Beck Oliver was different from everyone, that his words have always been true, and it wasn't just some pathetic lie. So, she gives him a choice.

That's why she drops the ultimatum later that day when they find their friends in the Vega household, hanging out without them.

"If I get to ten and you're not out there, I'm going home. _And we're over."_

She closes the door and waits outside like she said she would. A million thoughts run across her head. All her fears were gnawing on her mind.

**_"One"_ **

**She** grips unto the hope—the small light she held—that he really loved her. That by the time it was over, they'd make up. She'd apologize to him. She'd tell him everything she felt, even if it meant that he'd meet the fragile side of Jade West. She'd ask him to tell her he loves her. And everything would be okay again.

**_"Two"_ **

**He** was at a loss for words, exasperated by how she could make him evaluate their relationship in less than ten seconds. He wasn't sure he could, because then his judgement would be clouded. The only thoughts that had been running through his mind was everything that happened for the last few weeks, how fed up he was, how every time he tried to have a sane conversation with her, they ended up at each other's throats. He didn't want to decide so impulsively, because in all honestly, he didn't want to waste what they had built for three years.

 **_"Three"_ **

**She's** worried, because for her, Beck Oliver was the only person she had for herself. And it was a lot harder to give something up, when you had nothing else left. That's why she did so much to protect them, because fighting is the only way she knows how to protect what she had; and she didn't know it'd eventually ruin them instead. She wonders if he even knew the reason behind her actions. She wonders if he ever listened to her at all—if he ever understood why she was the way she was.

**_"Four"_ **

**He** knows that he didn't want to lose her. That even if they were in a rough spot, he couldn't bear to let go of her hand. A part of him knows that it's toxic. But even as he lets out a sigh, he knows he couldn't help it. So, he walks towards the door, because maybe— _just maybe_ — they could have a decent conversation over dinner. He walks towards the door because he really did love her.

**_"Five"_ **

**She** wonders how he even let her get to that number. The small flicker of hope diminishes, but she tries to tell herself that she was only halfway done. But another part of her nags him that it shouldn't be hard to open the door. She curses herself for even arguing with herself. She agonizes the fact that she can't stop fighting, with others, with herself, with _him_.

**_"Six"_ **

**She** could hear Trina jump at him from the other side door. And honestly, she just wanted to open the stupid door and get back in that house to get her off him. If she did, she'd also throw a hammer at the obnoxious Vega sister just like she warned a few minutes ago before she closed the door. But she holds her ground, and even waits until the ruckus is over, before shouting out the next number.

 **_"Seven"_ ** ****

**He** nearly turns the knob. He thinks that maybe all his doubts were wrong, and everything would go back to the way it was. That eventually, they'll just end up destroying each other. He suppresses the voice screaming in his head to just open the goddamn door. He just stands there.

 **_"Eight"_ **

**She** just wanted to get it over with. She knows he's there. She knows he's still thinking. She knows he might not even open the door. And at that moment her emotions seem to be too much for her. _Anger, pain, betrayal, pride, disappointment_ and all else fought in her, and it was just too much— _too painful_ — that she had to keep them in, refusing to throw away her mask. She honestly didn't know how to talk to him even if he opened the door.

**_"Nine"_ **

**He** thinks it's just a farce. A part of him thinks that maybe they just needed time. That he just needed to cool off. By the end of the night, he'd be calm enough, they'd be able to talk. He'd find her in his RV and they'll make up with each other. And everything would turn out okay. So he tells himself repeatedly not to open the door, no matter what he felt when she got to ten.

**_"Ten"_ **

**She** knows he isn't coming. She waits a second, before attempting to open the door, just in case he was behind it, just to be sure that she didn't count too quickly. But she stops herself: from opening the door, from looking back, from breaking down.

_It took a mere ten seconds to split her entire world apart._

As she walks home, she knows that her old self would probably be laughing at her; scorning her for believing in him, for letting him in, for allowing him to hurt her. She suddenly feels the suppressed hatred she had for herself. And even though she expected it, a part of her was hurt that no one bothered coming after her, no one tried to even see if she was okay, because Jade West was always barely managing to be _okay_. But another part of her was relieved, because no one would see her weakness just like he had, and no one would be given another chance to enter her world.

She wanted to laugh at herself for wallowing in self-pity. After all, a part of her had always known, no one loved her. She couldn't even love herself, so why would he?

When she opens the door to her house, she barely even recognizes that it wasn't empty. She doesn't acknowledge her mother or her little brother who catches a sight of her climbing up to her room. She just shuts the door, and when she did, she shut everyone else out alongside _him_.

The moment the door slams, Jade West breaks into pieces. She doesn't even take a moment to change out of her clothes or wash her make up off. She just falls into her bed and almost as if her walls shattered into pieces, she finally lets everything out.

Beck Oliver let her leave—let her walk out the door—in the very same way her dad didn't go after her mom. And to her, that was the only proof she needed to be able to tell that Beck didn't love her enough to chase after her; that everything he told her had only been pretty lies and empty words to get close and to leave her vulnerable.

The tears she held back all this time, runs down her face. She tries to suppress her sobs, but to no avail, she fails. The most she could do was mute herself with her pillow, and she stays up through the night, eventually waking up to tear-stained sheets.

Her eyes were swollen, and she knew she had to use a little bit more make up than usual to hide the fact that she was a wreck. She doesn't dare to wear their matching necklace anymore, but she keeps it hidden in her pocket unknown to everyone; because she couldn't let him go just yet. She decides to go to school despite the strong urge to skip because she couldn't afford to throw away her scholarship. After all, it the only reason she was allowed to enter Hollywood Arts much to her parent's disapproval.

She chooses to go to school because she couldn't let her hard work go to waste. She couldn't let her emotions get the best of her and stop her from doing what she loved. But she also couldn't allow herself to appear weak in front of everyone. And she doesn't want to let everyone else know that she was breaking inside. She doesn't want to show people that Beck Oliver had her.

So, she puts on her mask, like her typical actress self, and tries to keep a mindset that she was going to face an audience and that she shouldn't break character as if her life were just a performance and she was casted as Jade West.

 _Not her current self_ , but the Jade West before she met Beck Oliver. The girl that didn't give a crap about what others thought, that terrified people at the sight of her, that was never bothered about the fact that she was alone. She wasn't going to let anyone else hurt her anymore.

But more than anything else, she didn't want anyone else to know about how Beck Oliver just proved her fears right. And with just one look, people wouldn't even be able to tell how much she was hurting inside, because Jade West went to school that day, appearing way more confident that she ever had.


	3. it's like the bitter aftertaste of coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the following episodes: the worst couple (3x03), tori goes platinum (3x10, 3x11), the blonde squad (3x13), opposite date (4x03), three girls and a moose (4x04) + _mentions of jade gets crushed (2x10)_  
>  _disclaimer: victorious & its characters belong to its respective owner._

* * *

_his faults and regrets_

* * *

Beck Oliver was a boy that could be easily be mistaken as someone perfect. He had nice tan skin and beautiful hair, well known for his handsome looks. He had an irresistible personality to most people. He was a blessed with charisma, much to Jade's displeasure because it only meant that it was inevitable for people to like him. Everyone was fond of Beck Oliver, and Jade West used to be the only one indifferent to him.

But in the end, she fell for him _hard_. And in the eyes of others, it always seemed like it was Jade who loved him more. With her jealous outbursts and angry accusations, it was easy to tell that she cared more, and Beck was the one who was easy going. But it was also easy to witness Jade as bad girlfriend; more often than not, it made others think that he only _settled_ for her.

Because in his relationship with Jade West, what other people saw was a mean girl taking advantage of a sweet boy. What they failed to see was how they both had their faults, because while Jade only knew how to fight and run away in their relationship, Beck never really knew when to say no, how to say no, and when enough was enough.

Beck Oliver was never a saint. He knows that he messed up just as bad as she did, and it was always unfair that Jade took the blame, but he never spoke up about it.

**_The boy was passive to a fault_**. He made a huge mistake the moment he even let her walk out the door; and an even greater one when he didn't open it before she counted down to ten. He let a three-year-long relationship walk out on him.

Maybe it was because the events of that night haven’t sunken in. They had broken up, but it was no different to the other times when Jade initiated it. Even if it was, he knows— he hopes— that just like any other fight, she'd come knocking on his RV, and they'll make up and he'd tell her how much he loved her.

Beck really did love Jade, although it wasn't as easy to tell when other people were around. Partially because when others were involved, being the nice guy he was, he was kind to everyone. But, on another note, when they're alone, the side of Beck and Jade that other people don't see—the couple who stayed up at night to talk about the dumbest stuff, the pair that was almost inseparable, the two who had their own way of showing affection— was different. Because it was in those moments that Jade could definitely tell that she meant something to him.

But the past weeks have been rough. There was more fighting, less listening. More tension, less affection. At some point, he honestly didn't even know what they fought about. Maybe _that_ was what was different.

But that wasn't the only thing that made this breakup different from the others.

Jade gave him choice, and he was foolish enough to think of it as a farce. To think that this time wouldn't be different from all their other breakups.

It didn't sink in even as they continued playing cards like he suggested. And he was just so drained and numb that he doesn't even push Trina away as she clung unto him ever since he sat down. He was well aware that he had to take his time to calm down and get his shit together, but somewhere deep in his subconscious he knows it was just a part of him denying everything that just happened in the last few minutes.

Amidst the round table, everyone was lost in their own thoughts that barely anyone even paid attention to the game.

Beck doesn't move. He doesn't even seem affected, but nevertheless he looked tired—empty. A part of him denies that it's a serious breakup, a part of him denies that he just lost the girl he loved, a part of him denies that Jade West was gone for good. And somehow, he couldn't even feel the pain, he couldn't feel anything; the same way he used to do so before Jade West entered his life.

Tori couldn't help but look back at the door from time to time. She did say that she felt bad for Beck not being able to come because he'd bring Jade along. But seeing what just happened, she wonders if both of them would be okay. If their group of friends would be together despite all this. If this was just another impulsive decision made by Jade or if it was actually serious.

Andre knows his best friend, more than anyone in the room does. He trusts Beck. He believes that if Beck made the decision then maybe they did need time apart. After all, he knew how bad their fights got. It made everyone feel on the edge, made Robbie cry and made Cat faint. But as his best friend, Andre was well aware of his feelings. Beck had always confided in him, and he can't even remember a time that Beck wasn't in love with Jade.

Robbie felt lost. He cried those six times he witnessed them fighting because their arguments were getting scarier by the minute, and it reminded him so much of his situation at home, his parents, their household, the reason why he needed Rex to calm his nerves down. But as much as he thinks that Beck deserves more than Jade, he also knows that no one can handle Jade like he can. And although he felt very conflicted and out of place at the moment, when he turns to look at Cat from across the table, his heart immediately drops.

Cat broke out a sob, and almost immediately everyone in the room looks at her. Initially she tried to avert her attention, to keep up her childlike demeanor to escape the worries in her mind. She keeps telling herself that _she was under her bed_ , that _everything would be alright in the morning_ , that _her best friend was strong person_. But something inside her knew that Jade meant it. That Jade left, and she wasn't going to let Beck back in.

And almost all at once, she worries about Jade. Because Jade had never let anyone get close like Beck did. Because Jade was always too busy protecting her and she knows that Jade won't confide in her. Because Jade always acted tough, and Cat had known her long enough to be able to tell that beyond her mean and bossy friend was a broken girl inside.

So, the tears run down her cheeks pretty quickly, and everyone was immediately concerned; because it wasn't always that the redhead would cry despite how childish she could be.

"Cat," Tori walks up to her to pull her into a hug, "What's wrong?"

"I want to go to Jadey" she tells them in between sobs, clutching unto Tori's sleeve, as Robbie rubs her back in a comforting manner.

"I can drive you," Beck offers, thinking that maybe he could end this mess and have a good talk with Jade. But Cat knows that won't happen. She knows he was too late the moment Jade counted to ten.

After all, Cat had a good take at why Jade hated people, why the girl embodied anger and rage. Even if she didn't hear it from Jade herself, she once asked Jade's little brother about why her friend was so adamant in befriending others. And the little boy once told her that Jade believes that her dad didn't love them enough to chase after her and her mom, to repair their broken family. The moment Beck relived Jade’s worst nightmare was the moment he lost her.

Jade was tough. But that was only the side of her she let people see. She was tough, but she wasn't _always_ tough.

And, although she knows that, Cat also knew that she didn't have the privilege to assure her and take care of her like Beck Oliver did; and she was jealous of that fact.

So, Cat Valentine had no other choice but to pin her anger and sadness at him, "You broke your promise."

"Cat."

"You're a liar! You promised _me_ you won't hurt Jadey. You promised _her_ you'd stay" she accuses him, even pointing a finger at him.

 _But she was the one who left_ , he wanted to remind her. He wanted to tell their friends that he was always the one who stayed behind, and Jade was always the one who walked out on him—who would rather break up with him than fix their problems.

But he also knows that when he asked out Jade West, he wasn't getting into a normal relationship. And at that moment, Beck finally realizes that he fucked up, because the numbness he felt, slowly morphed into pain.

"Cat, if you really want to go, I'll walk with you" Tori offers, trying to calm the redhead down.

"I can't. She won't let me" she confesses, "If I go there. She's just going to bottle up her pain, and she won't cry until I leave. She won't show anyone how much she's hurt, and I don't want her to hold back her pain anymore."

They all looked at her as if it was the first time that she made sense, because they never really knew the depth of Cat and Jade's friendship. And although Beck knew that she had a point, and that she was certainly right, the others wasn't sure what to make off that thought; because even though Jade was likely in pain at that moment, they believed Jade would pick herself up better than Beck might.

_She was that good at pretending._

* * *

**_He always held her to a double standard._** Beck would recognize Jade's faults but fail to acknowledge how they stemmed from her insecurities. He always got caught up in their fights, that eventually, a part of him—the immaturity he held only against her— often had him caught up on getting back at her.

It's been weeks since they broke up, but things were running faster than he thought. Because the very next day after that horrid night, they already changed their statuses on the Slap. The number of girls who disturbed his private life increased at the announcement of his status, that he was out of the clutches of the Wicked Witch of the West.

Their news of their breakup spread like wildfire, and that clearly didn't help him because just a day after the breakup, he looked like a wreck. He didn't sleep a wink, his _oh-so-perfect_ hair was disheveled, and the bags under his eyes were evident. When Jade West didn't appear during their first period of the day, he expected her to have felt just as bad as he did.

But right when their second period begins, the class they shared with their favorite teacher, even Sikowitz was surprised to witness her walks into the door as if nothing had happened the other day. In fact, she seemed like she was more than fine; livelier, confident, a bit more ganky. She reminded him of the girl she was when they first met, the Jade West who was always at the top of her game. _And damn did it hurt_.

It hurt him because seeing her being better than ever made him wonder if she didn't give shit about all those years they spent together. If their memories were something she could just throw in the trash when she was sick of it. It hurt him that it was so easy for her to walk out the door. But the very pain he felt was the one that blinded him from seeing past her act.

The hurt eventually morphs into envy. And he finds it harder to accept how she was doing better as the months passed.

He was frustrated; because unlike Jade, he found his habits hard to break. He would still buy two cups of coffee, one black with two sugars just how she liked it; and it was only until his friends would ask about it that he'd remember he didn't have to do it anymore. He still browsed through her Slap page, in hopes of searching clues or learning about how she was able to live without him; hoping to find out that she missed him as much as he did.

He would still wear their couple's necklace, although he hid it under his shirt, because he didn't anyone to know —he didn't want _her_ to know— that he was still in love with Jade West and he couldn't move on. He would still reach out to her. Because physical affection was Beck's thing, and Jade gave him the privilege; and it was only then that he remembered it was _his_ privilege, because now she would flinch or snap at him when he even touched her.

**_The boy was as self-destructive as she was_**. It was the very reason why his frustration eventually turns into anger to a point that he just wanted to catch her attention. It didn't even matter if it would piss her off —if it would hurt her— because if he could elicit a reaction from her, it meant that Jade was still affected by him; that deep down, she still had feelings for him.

Honestly, no one would expect that Beck Oliver was also petty at times, because he always seemed like the mature one in their group—the cool guy.

And even though, it takes a long time until they finally get used to each other, he thinks that the wait may be worth it. He thinks that if he manages to get her to feel anything for him, be it even hatred, it meant that he had the upper hand again.

The first few weeks she simply ignores him. The next few months, he is able to get under her skin and they bicker sometimes. Eventually, they could finally stand in the same room together. But feelings don't fade that easily, especially coming from three-year long relationship.

So, Beck does the next best thing could. He tries to rile Jade up, to get revenge on her by getting close the one person she always ended up hating on. Her antithesis, sweet and nice Tori Vega. The girl who, despite their ups and downs, Jade always found herself antagonizing.

He does succeed, but he doesn't notice. Because from the corner of the room, Jade West's blue eyes would always flicker with pain and anger when she sees the boy she loves, embrace the girl she always found herself envious of. The girl who had everything she didn't, and sometimes, the girl who took what she could have away from her.

After all, Tori Vega was the exact opposite of her. She was honest, prissy, often too determined; the only person who could stand against Jade West other than Beck Oliver. She had a happy family, friends who loved her, and even Jade West's now-ex-boyfriend, who had always been close to her despite knowing how uncomfortable she felt when he was. And sometimes, Jade knew that Tori got the roles she yearned to act for, the songs she could've sung for, not because she was better but because she was less terrifying —less of a gank— than Jade was. And everyone always favored Tori Vega.

That's why Jade doesn't hesitate to take up Tori's position on the Platinum Music Awards, when she was offered the chance to replace her. Because for once, someone chose her over Tori Vega, and somehow that meant so much more to her than she thought.

Because if Tori could be happy with Beck and everything else, then why wasn't she allowed to be?

But Beck doesn't get that. Instead, he chooses to drag his friend in his scheme to take revenge on his ex-girlfriend, unknown to Tori Vega. But at the same time, the part of him that was still hurting over Jade West just wanted to seek comfort; and that part of him had been so blinded in the frustration over his breakup, that he tries to kiss his friend. He attempts to kiss Tori, oblivious to the fact that Jade West was watching from the other side of the camera, breaking into pieces.

To think that Tori would be the one to push the other away.

"Then why can't we kiss?" when Beck pops that question, Jade doesn't even know why she was still listening. She wondered if it was the bad habit in her that sought out pain; pain that made her feel like she was in control, pain that could have destroyed her.

"Because of Jade." Tori reminds him, and at that moment Jade felt both guilt and betrayal. Guilty—that she was out to get Tori Vega all this time, when she should have trusted her instead of Beck Oliver. Betrayed—because whether or not Tori agreed to the kiss, Beck managed to throw away the remaining trust she had in him.

The boy manages to snap of it when Tori rejects him. But in both suppressed anger and surprise, he even finds himself talking shit about Jade. He couldn't accept how Tori still had a high opinion of her despite the things she did. He couldn't understand how Tori could forgive Jade after the crap Jade put her through, while he couldn't even get over their break-up.

A part of him hates her because she was the one who walked out on him. But in truth, he knew that he couldn't hate her even if he tried; because his actions stemmed from the bitter feelings, he held against her for the pain that resulted from their breakup.

He finally calms down when Tori talks to him about how she couldn't do that to Jade—how she saw her as a friend, and she doesn't want to throw off the group's friendship. He finally realizes that he was a complete asshole. But Jade doesn't witness the next scene, shutting Cat's laptop before it happens.

"Sorry" Beck confesses, because it finally sunk in that he almost proved Jade's insecurities right. That she was right to get mad at him for getting close to Tori Vega because something could happen. That if he had successfully made a move on the other girl, he would never have a chance to take Jade back.

"You still mad at Jade?" Tori looks at him knowingly, as if she saw through his act the same way he noticed that she had been acting horridly as per the producer's orders.

"It's not—"

 _It's not anger_ , was what he wanted to say. He wasn't sure about his feelings, but he knew they were ugly and painful. Beck was never the person who was sensitive to his emotion. More often than not, he was detached— numb, empty and bored—but Jade West came into the picture. And now that she was gone, he was reminded of his old self; he realizes how much he needs her, just as she needed him.

"I still love her," he tells Tori, and his voice almost cracks as he looks away from his friend, while he ruffled his soft hair. "I love her so damn much that everything seems like blur."

He couldn't differentiate pain from comfort; or his stupid actions from what was right.

Tori punches his shoulder playfully, hoping to brighten up the mood, "Then what are you waiting for?"

His close friend pulls his hand to lead them out the door, as she says—almost demandingly—"We have to be there for her during her performance, even if...you know"

But nevertheless, in less than a few hours, Jade returns the spot to Tori, as she takes a seat beside Beck. And when Beck realizes how much she's grown, he smiles at her, even though he was dying inside. He realizes how low he fell, that a part of him is frustrated that he couldn't change for the better, much like Jade had.

* * *

**** ****

**_He hated the fact that couldn't get himself to hate her,_** that he had been trying to so hard to hide the fact that he still loved her. Though, he knows better than to involve his personal problems with his work.

So, when he creates his semester project, he still casts her to be part of it. He knows that if anyone can pull of the dumb blonde, it would be Jade. Because he really respected her talent, and he always found himself amused by the way she completely immerses herself in character whenever she played a role, even if the character was someone she had nothing in common with.

Although the film viewing didn't exactly go as well as planned, with the whole bird fiasco. He was pretty bummed by the fact that not only was the viewing cut short, his friends had also walked out in the middle of the showing, with the exception of his ex-girlfriend.

He was surprised to find that Jade West remained seated as the short film was put on play, while Andre and the rest had some other business to attend to. When the film ends, he immediately makes his way to her, as the rest of the audience exit the Black Box theater.

It's been a while since they've been on good terms, but he was never left alone with Jade ever since the breakup. They hung out with their other friends more often, and it was nice to explore outside their constricted circle, but sometimes he missed _this_.

"Hey," he catches her attention when he takes the seat right next to hers. "How was it?"

Jade was honestly good critic if she liked you. She would give reviews and criticism, and her suggestions oftentimes saved his ass. Jade West took both music and theater seriously, and it was one of the many things he loved about her. It was one of the things he missed.

"I still don't get why _I_ have to play the dumb one," she crosses her legs, and quirks an eyebrow at him.

"That's because... you know" he tries to find the right words, "you're talented."

"At being a ditzy idiot? _Smooth_ , Oliver. It's almost like you're asking me to punch your face" she scoffs, despite the small smile that forms on her lips.

 _God, he missed her._ He missed this playful side of her, the one that loved using his words against him.

" _Well then_ , thank you for staying to watch the film, and deciding not punching my face."

" _Well_ , I figured it sucks to be you seeing as none of your friends sat through your stupid project"

" _Well then_ , how about you celebrate with this lonely boy instead?"

She looks at him as if he was a complete and utter idiot, as if he just forgot who she was and who he was now in her life.

"Alone with you? _No_." She immediately snaps but Beck chooses not to relent. _As if he would just let the opportunity get past him._ Besides, if there was one thing he knew about Jade, it was that giving up was never a good thing.

"Please, _oh powerful witch of the west_ , who happens to be my only good friend who stayed and watched my project?" he pleads, earning an eye roll from the raven-haired girl.

" _God_ , I want to stab you."

He doesn't give up, instead he looks at her with wide eyes that were begging her to go. Jade was weak to persistence; it was one of the few reasons Cat often got away with things.

"Stop being so melodramatic," Jade tells him, and it takes a few seconds before he finally gets the answer he's been waiting for, "I'll go."

" _But_ only because I want to" she insists, that it had nothing to do with his puppy-dog eyes or the fact that he was the one who asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Time flies quickly as they have dinner at Nozu. It was surprisingly fun, because it was the first time, they completely put the breakup way past them. They split the bill because Jade insisted that it wasn't a date. Then, they decide to part ways.

But right before they head home, the blue-eyed girl remembers how she was never able to retrieve the stuff she left at Beck's RV. She thinks the perfect time to finally get them, much to Beck's dismay, because clearing up her stuff from the RV meant that they really were over.

It had been months since she last step foot in his RV that, in some way, had always felt like her home.

It was a place full of memories, because back when they were dating Jade often insisted to stay home instead of _'spending time on some cliche crap that was ripped off of romance movies._ ' They didn't go out to fancy dinner dates, they didn't watch overrated movies in the cinemas (unless it was a total bust), they didn't ride ferris wheels or walked in the beach during sunsets.

In the three years they spent together they may not have done cliches, but every moment was special. The times they washed his RV together; the times they spent cuddled in bed; the times they spent staying up at night, watching horror movies that Jade so loved or other films he requested. There were even times when they did pointless things like play board games or cut up paper with Jade's favorite scissors, and of course he goes scissor shopping with his girlfriend. Apart from those, they also had late night drives and midnight jams, because even if Beck wasn't a singer, he absolutely adored Jade's voice.

 _He missed all that._ He missed _her_.

And perhaps due to the nostalgia and sentimental reminder of the girl he loved standing inside his RV, one thing leads to one thing to another. Before they even realize it, their lips meet each other’s, and it was hard to tell who initiated what; because they were both caught up in their desire to be with the other. Neither one of them let go or pull away, until clothes fall on the floor, and they bask in the warmth of their bodies, enjoying the proximity they yearned. They call each other's names seductively, endearingly and repeatedly.

By the end of it all, it's like they snap out of their trance as they lay in his bed together. They don't move away from each other as he continues to hold her right beside him, in the spot of his bed that he so often kept for her. The spot in his bed that felt empty when they broke up.

Because that was kicker, wasn't it? _You never realize what you have until it's gone._

"So..." Beck was the first one to speak up, "What's going to happen to _us_?"

He clings unto the small hope that everything was falling back into place. That they were okay again, that they were together again. And then, all hell comes loose.

"Shit," she curses and almost immediately he knows that it wasn't a good sign.

"Jade?" he sits up and faces her, trying to get a good look at her face to decipher what she was feeling.

"Oh my god," The girl immediately jolts up and puts a hand on her temples as she finally realizes what they've done, "I'm a fucking idiot"

"Hey" He grabs her by her wrists, trying to calm her down, "It's normal for two exes to hook up—"

"I can't. Not with _you_ " she looks horrified. She looked at him as if this was one big mistake even though they weren't even drunk when they did it. It hurt him to see her like this.

"Why?" he manages to ask, despite the lump that formed in his throat. He couldn't understand how it was easy for her to forget and walk away. _Again_.

But with one look in her eyes, he sees a flicker of pain. It makes him weak. He remembers the Jade West that came knocking on his RV late at night. The girl he wrapped his arms around and kissed to sleep. He knows he couldn't do that anymore; and before he could even say anything else, before he could tell her that he missed her, before he could admit that he still loves her, she speaks up first.

"Because it's _you_ , Beck!" she exclaims in voice full of both hurt and rage. And for once she was honest with him. "I loved you so damn much that when we were still dating, I couldn't even remember the Jade West that existed before you came into the picture."

She didn't tell him she loved him that often, but he remembered every single time. And right then, he just wanted to stop his act. He wanted to stop pretending he was okay. He wanted to tell her that he was miserable without her.

But before he could even speak, she's already putting her clothes on in a hurry, and grabbing her bag but leaving the box of her things that remained in the RV. She was one step ahead of him as she says, "Just forget _this_. We can't do this again."

"Jade—" Beck tries to talk to her, but to no avail he can't even speak when she keeps cutting him off.

"You broke up with me."

_That was unfair._

"You walked out on me!" he retorts, inwardly cursing himself because now was not the time to pick a fight with her.

"I gave you a choice, Beck" she spat back, and his heart sinks. Because she was right, and he hated himself every moment that he was reminded of the fact that he didn't open the stupid door.

And he couldn't even say another word as she walks out the door for a _second_ time. A taste in his mouth remains, as her words pierced through him. It felt like the bitter aftertaste of coffee that he grew to hate having been reminded of how fond she was of it.

* * *

****

****

**_His actions never really backed up his words._** In fact, it made it easier to doubt him. Because what was natural for Beck Oliver, wasn't the same with Jade West. That's why jealousy had always been her thing, because despite what he says, she experienced more than enough to have a cynical view of the world.

Because while Beck Oliver was too friendly and too kind, Jade West was scared that it would make other people like him more than they already do. Because while he saw friendship with other girls, she saw threat and competition, aggravated by her insecurities.

But sometimes she did have a point; a reason to feel that way, especially when it came to Tori Vega. Because (1) he _did_ kiss her on her second day of school; (2) he _did_ try to make a move on her, when Jade took her spot in the Platinum Music Awards; and (3) even if he denies it Tori Vega was attracted to Beck Oliver, despite how she refused his advances. Had Jade not been on _good-but-not-so-good_ terms with Tori, she would probably be dating him right then.

That's why, when Tori reminds him that she can't go alone with him that one Saturday, because then it would be a date, it actually takes him awhile to realize that it would be. But he doesn't think anything would be wrong with two friends hanging out. For Christ's sake, Jade hangs out with Andre, why can't he decide who he can spend time with? Even if Beck did try to kiss Tori, he was broken up with Jade. And despite that one time they hooked up, Jade made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with him.

They tried to make it as unsuspicious to everyone, but the more they seem to deny the fact that it was a date, the more people were convinced it was. And it turns out, their denial only made it worse because the way they hid it from Jade and everyone else only caused suspicion.

Beck was often misleading, and when Jade West finds out from Cat Valentine instead of the two ' _friends_ ', his chances of getting her back seemed to be slimming down. Jade was affected, and if he had done it a few months back, he would have clearly witnessed the same explosion of her jealousy that were sometimes too much to bear.

Thus, Jade doesn't resist the chance to follow them around on their _opposite date_. Because she can vividly recall how what happened the night of the Platinum Music Awards. And perhaps a part of her was just eager to know—eager to just peel off the band-aid— if Beck was just after her because he couldn't get Tori. Aside from that, a part of her also wondered if Tori really was someone she could really call a friend.

Beck's closeness with Tori had always been an issue in his relationship with Jade. He had a habit of getting close to anyone, and although she put up with his friendship with the other girls, it was always easy to pick a fight when Tori was involved in the conversation.

He could never understand why Jade was always wary of them, until the moment they spent awhile waiting at the vet.

An outsider's perspective was, more often than not, _unhelpful_. In the first place, it was what ruined his relationship with the girl he loved. But somehow, he finds the opinions of the people waiting in the animal clinic, spot on.

The moment the old lady beside them made suggestive comments —that if they weren't brother and sister, they'd probably dating— had them on the edge. Somehow Tori even brings Jade into the conversation as they try to the defend that there wasn't any underlying feelings, they had towards each other.

Eventually, other people enter the conversation.

"If I could chime in, I think what she's saying is maybe his ex-girlfriend, um..."

"Jade?"

"Maybe she still likes this boy with the hair."

Beck sheepishly informs them, to prove a point, "Uh... She kinda walked out on me."

 _Twice,_ he wanted to add, recalling how he agonized the fact that Jade believes she was a better person without him. He still remembers that last time he ever kissed her, and how he let her walk out him after they agreed to never speak about that night.

"That doesn't mean she ain't still got feelings for you," another stranger points out.

 _God, he wishes it was true._ Because if it were, it would mean that he could still have her back, because honestly, he was wreck without her.

Although, he wasn't really expecting the next question because it was also the very question, he so often reprimanded himself for.

"So why did you let Jade go?" the old lady asks, and another man chimes in, "Yeah, why'd you let her go?"

"I didn't let her go!" Beck defends himself. He really had enough of this conversation.

"You know, I really don't want to talk about this here" He tells them, attempting to keep his cool, as he looks toward the clinic's door, wondering when their ointment would be ready.

"He's afraid to face his feelings" everyone nods in agreement, and he just wanted to bury himself in a hole.

"No!" Beck exclaims, keeping his pride intact, although he did seem pretty attacked.

"Okay... I'll always love Jade" he trails on before correcting himself, "...a-as a friend." Hesitation was evident in his voice. "But as a girlfriend, she was—she'd always freak out over every little thing."

He partially spoke the truth. When he was dating Jade, her trust had always been something he couldn't attain. And although he did his best to get close enough, there was a part of the girl that was always closed off. And that part of her scares him, because he didn't exactly know how to assure her; because no matter how much he tried, he also failed. Beck was well aware that Jade never counted on him—or at least, not completely. And having to exert so much just to get her to do so, often made him feel pathetic. He didn't know if he was the right person for her.

"Sometimes girls do that, because we get scared inside" a young girl from behind him joins in.

"And we need a man to make us feel safe," the older woman agrees.

He hates how the kid was actually dead on. They were right.

But Tori was oblivious that. So, she tries to defend Beck's side, " _Woah_ now. Trust me, Jade isn't scared of _anything_ "

_**He took advantage of her strength.**_ Perhaps he always overestimated how tough Jade West was, that he never tried hard enough to know more about her pain and insecurities, because he was so busy trying to defend himself instead. Jade had always been scared, but he never he even knew what exactly she was afraid of, because she'd always lash out in anger rather than confess her emotions.

Nevertheless, he was finally coming into terms with what she thought. After all, if strangers were mistaking him for having a date Tori, then that would make any girlfriend uncomfortable, wouldn't it?

In fact, despite how much they tried to clear their name, the issue just got bigger and bigger, until they faced the fact that having kept it a secret from Jade, made it a lot more suspicious. And right as they talked about her, the said girl walks in the vet with Cat in tow.

"Jade"

Almost immediately, they try to explain to her what was happening, in hopes she won’t lash out or let her rage take over. Nevertheless, their audience really weren't helping in making less of an issue than it already was.

"They broke up Tori has every right to go out with Beck" the old lady states her opinion.

And she did. Jade knew that, but she a part of her couldn't simply turn-off her emotions. But this time, she had them under control. Beck wasn't hers anymore, it would've been unreasonable for her to act out her jealousy. She knows he could do better, and she just loves him so much that she believes that he had every right to be happy after how he put up with her.

But somehow, she didn't want to leave just yet.

The little girl muses as they all just stood there, in the middle of the waiting room, "Hey beck, which one of them do you think is prettier?"

Beck looks at Jade awkwardly, as if he it was an answer to the young girl's question, but he knows it would be rude to Tori. So, when Jade looks up at him with a smile, expecting a straight an answer, expecting the exact words to help her move on; he doesn't say anything, but he keeps his eyes on her until Tori turns to look at him.

He chuckles nervously, trying to avert the spectator's attention, "Why don't you go check your mom's pulse?"

The half Latina takes the opportunity to clear up the misunderstanding, as she turns to Jade, "You got no right to get mad at us, 'cause Beck and I aren't—"

"I'm—I'm not" Jade cuts her off, to their surprise.

"You're not—What?" Tori looks at her as if she misheard.

Jade answers calmy, "I'm not mad."

Cat jumps from her seat, "Careful it's a trick!"

"It's not a trick!" Jade emphasizes, "I thought I was mad but... Now that I'm here what do I have to be mad about?"

It was the most reasonable she had been.

"We broke up. We're all friends. _Kinda_." the raven-haired girl states, "I mean any of us should be able to hang out with whoever we want."

"Still thinking it's a trick," Cat insists, knowing that Jade was likely forcing herself.

" _It's not._ "

Beck Oliver walks towards her to make sure of it himself. He looks her in the eye, trying to see past the mask Jade West puts on, "You're really okay?"

"Yeah" she breathes out with a nod and a smile, although a part of her was not. If Beck was happy then she would be too.

He notices that look in her eyes, but he doesn't call her out on it. In the three years they've been together, more often than not, he could tell how she felt by looking into her blue orbs. Although, he probably should have done so, when they broke up, because they'd have gotten back together almost immediately.

But he accepts her lie, because it showed him just how much she grew as a person in the span of time they were apart. He accepts her lie, although it does make him a tad bit sad and little lonely.

"Thats..." he trails on, "pretty cool."

And they look at each other, both with a smile on their faces.

* * *

**** ****

**_He hates how his pride always got the best of him,_** because he knows it was unfair that Jade suppressed her feelings during his opposite date with Tori, but here he was clenching his jaw as he was overwhelmed by jealousy at how she was trying to come unto Moose.

The moment he finds out that Moose made out with Jade during their Tinkle-Aid event, he could've sworn that he almost lashed out, envious of how Jade acted around his old friend. Although the boys were already irritated with the fact that the three girls kept blowing them off in their continued attempts of wooing Moose, the fact that Jade was one of them seemed to make his mood worse.

Beck Oliver worked so damn hard to get Jade West to date him, and yet here she was practically throwing herself at the boy; using her favorite movie, dressing up in that gown, touching him willingly and dragging him to places.

Beck was well aware that if Jade West didn't push her pursuers away, then she could definitely switch boyfriends every week if she wanted to. She was hot and cool (like she says), and she could seduce anyone easily if she wanted to. Unlike Tori and Cat, who pretended to act like someone they were not, Jade didn't. And that was exactly why he was worried that out of the three girls, his friend would choose the girl that he had loved for the last three years. 

Unknown to him, Jade West didn't like Moose _that_ much. Yes, she did try to catch his attention. Yes, she was attracted to his appearance. Yes, she did make out with him instead of driving straight to Karaoke Dokie. But despite all that, the person she thought of when she kissed the Canadian boy, was her ex-boyfriend.

Despite being the one who first made a move, Jade had also been the one who first pulled away. She remembers Beck, and thinks that nothing could ever beat kissing Beck, that she didn't want any other Canadian —because unlike some cute boy she was after, Beck was the boy she was in love with. She realizes that she was so drunk on winning the competition against Cat and Tori, and possibly influenced by the feelings she suppressed when she interrupted Beck's date with Tori.

They drive to attend the fundraising event that the boys worked hard for, but she doesn't say anything else nor does she act like she's still interested. It was an awkward drive back, but the boy doesn't ask questions. Nevertheless, when Moose finally manages to hang out with Beck at his RV that evening, he tells her what happened, and he apologizes when he learns that she was Beck's ex-girlfriend.

When Beck tells Andre what happens, he was surprised to find his best friend ringing the doorbell of his RV at one in the morning, carrying a couple bottles of vodka. It was so early in the morning that he doesn't even question his appearance, and just let's him in.

"So, what's up with that?" Beck asks him, gesturing towards the Malt beverages he brought with him.

"I brought some solutions for your dilemma," Andre just answers casually, as he hands him a bottle.

"How'd you even get this?" the other boy reminds him of how they were underage, yet he still opens it.

"I know a guy"

"And you're suggesting we just drink all night?"

" _Nah_ , I just need you drunk enough to talk to you about Jade, man" Andre chuckles at him, acting like it wasn't such a big deal.

" _Dude_ "

"Beck, you oughta face your feelings at some point" He gives his friend a knowing look, "I came all the way here to get you these drinks and give you some input."

"Input, _really_?" Beck asks, as if he wasn't buying Andre's _solution_ to his problems.

"Answer me this: How do you feel about Jade?"

" _Andre_ " Beck is adamant to answer. He thought about it enough and at this point, he'd rather not say it out loud, because he knows it would just make everything real and the feelings he suppressed would stop him from moving on.

"C'mon dude" Andre refuses to back down, knowing that Beck had been holding back for so long. He never heard anything about Jade come out from his best friend's mouth ever since the breakup. _But he could tell._

Andre Harris could see it from the way he looked at her. The way _they_ looked at each other. The way Jade spoke about him. The way Beck still wore their necklace. It was obvious that they were still in love with each other. And Andre wasn't going to settle for no as an answer.

"Okay!" Beck admits defeat when neither of them speak for nearly ten minutes.

"I'm still in love with Jade West. I never stopped loving her since I told you about her the first time we met. I was so stupid not to open the goddamn door _twice,_ and I can't even be happy for her when she's so close to moving on. _Dammit_ , _Andre_."

He spoke so fast that Andre barely got enough time to absorb all the words he just said.

"Whoa. I didn't know you were _that_ whipped" the musically-blessed boy remarked, surprised by how his friend exceeded his expectation.

Beck runs a hand through his hair, exasperated, before Andre pulls out a notebook from his bag. It was used, evidently shown by its dog-eared pages and messy creases. The boy hands it to his friend, "I brought you this."

"What is it?"

"Every song I ever wrote," Andre answers, "I used to get inspiration to write some from you and Jade."

"You did?" Beck is surprised to learn something new; that Andre looked that close into his relationship.

"Yeah, I thought the things you tell me would actually sound great in a song" the boy tells his friend before gesturing towards the notebook. " _Go on_."

Beck flips through the pages, reading through each one, until Andre stops him when he reads through **_Tell Me That You Love Me_**. He was reminded of the time Tori and Andre sang to pay for their bill, and somehow, he was reminded of the words Jade so often told him.

_The situations turns around enough to figure out_

_That someone else has let you down_

_So many times I don't know why_

_But I know we can make it as long as you say it_

_So tell me that you love me yeah_

_And tell me that I take your breath away_

_And maybe if you take one more_

_then I would know for sure_

_There's nothing left to say_

_Tell me that you love me anyway_

"You got this from out Slap videos?" Beck couldn't help but wonder, recalling the moments Jade asked him to _tell her he loves her_ on camera.

"Yep."

"So, it's about what Jade used to say?"

"No. I thought it'd be nice to turn the tables around" Andre manages to surprise him even more. "I based on _you_. I've never heard Jade tell you she loves you, and sometimes I wondered if you get off on her jealousy, you know"

"I kinda did" Beck chuckles, as he finds himself amused by how well his friend knows him. Although he never told Andre about his insecurities, it was amazing to witness how he was able to see a glimpse of it.

When he flips the pages until **_Song 2 You_** , he was surprised to learn that part of it was also about them. It was one of the many performances of Andre, in which Beck had kissed Jade. It was a song that reminded him of _them_ , but he never honestly thought it was about them. After all, it was written based on Favorite Foods, Andre simply rewrote the lyrics to catch the music producer's attention after his reputation was ruined by the Diddly-Bops video that spread online.

_I don't know what you been used to_

_Never been with a girl like you_

_But I can give you a love that's true to_

_Your heart, not material things_

"I got reminded by all the times I called you crazy for liking her," Andre reminds him of their freshman year. The many times Beck insisted Jade was different, and the times Andre told him that she was a bad different. Nevertheless, Andre knows that even if they weren't a normal couple, they really did like each other. And he was one of the few who actually supported their relationship.

A couple more lyrics later, Beck finds the song Andre wrote with Jade. It was entitled **_Okay_**. Reading it, he was immediately reminded of her, the way she wrote, the way her voice was always full of emotion, the way she hummed as she waited for him in the coffee shop. He stops, without Andre even telling him to.

_There is no upper hand, I'm giving you mine_

_It doesn't have to end up wasting your time_

_There's things that I could say_

_But hear in my way_

_I want to let you know_

_That's it's all okay_

"This is..." Beck couldn't even any words to say. But he feels more than a hundred things all at once, something that only happened when it came to Jade.

"Jade wrote the chorus. You should've heard her sing it, anyone would fall for her after hearing it. I know I did" Andre accidentally blurts out and right then Beck immediately snaps out of his thoughts and looks at his friend.

It takes a couple of moments when Andre realizes what he said. His eyes widened. He was horrified as he notices how Beck's jaw tightened. Before he could even clear up the misunderstanding and tell his friend that it was just a quick crush, Beck beat him to it.

"You had a thing for Jade, when _we_ were still dating?" Beck unknowingly raises his voice.

"It was just a crush!" Andre defends himself. It was just a moment when he was weak against Jade smile, because at that night he realized that Beck was right, and there was something irresistible about the girl. But he put his friendship with Beck first.

Recalling how Andre was never able to hide his feelings, Beck realizes how wonky Andre was acting back then; how Andre was looking at them —at Jade— the whole time he performed _365 days_ with Tori. He immediately flips the page to see the original version of the song.

" _Dude_ " Beck throws a pillow at his friend so quickly that Andre couldn't even dodge it.

"I wrote that song to get over her! I _am_ over her!" Andre defends, confessing his reasons "I swear I didn't make a move—I wouldn't dare to make a move on my best friend's girl, man! You know I don't play that way!"

"Okay" Beck lets out a sigh, taking another gulp from his third bottle. He knows his friend, and it was really nice of him not to do anything for his sake. He knows Andre treasured their friendship; it was easy to forgive him that way.

"You really cool?" his friend looks at him warily.

"Let me hit you one last time," Beck swiftly throws another pillow at him, and moves on from the current topic. Andre accepts his punishment and doesn't even bother shielding himself as it hits him in the face.

"Anyways," Andre trails on and finally averts the topic. He tells Beck what he came for, "I only realized it a few days back, that she could've written it about you."

"What?" Beck asks to see where the conversation was going.

" _Look_ , I don't think Jade's over you, man" Andre tells him. "I think she cared more than you think."

When Beck and Jade had broken up, Andre had been hanging out alone with her more than he expected. His feelings didn't resurface as he got closer to her, instead they strengthen their platonic bond. And although she was his best friend's ex-girlfriend, he cared about her like his many other friends. He could tell that she wasn't completely over him by the way she asked him about how Beck had been doing.

"Even if that's the case, she's not interested in getting back together with me" the aspiring actor insisted, while Andre gives him a knowing look.

"That never stopped you when you were trying get her to like you" he reminds his friend about all the memories they had; the times she walked away, the coffee she poured on his hair, the scissor threats or the doors she shut in his face.

Andre continues to speak for him, "Just make sure you don't regret anything, man. You've been a wreck without her. And we don't like seeing you this way either."

His best friend's words seem to resonate with him because Beck Oliver finally comes to terms with his thoughts, his faults and his regrets. He knows he's been passive. He knows he let her walk out him more than once. But more than anything else, he knows he can't afford to let go of her.

_He knows what he had to do; and he finally got the courage to do it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs used:  
>  _[tell me that you love me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHUbhnjxGrw&t=7s)_ ; victoria justice (ft. leon thomas iii)  
>  _[song 2 you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwpFGSP7FSs)_ ; victoria justice (ft. leon thomas iii)  
>  _[okay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rlInRyceXE)_ ; backhouse mike (ft. elizabeth gillies)


	4. it doesn't have to end up wasting your time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _i decided to divide the fourth chapter into two because it ended up being too long, so this fic will be extended to five chapters_  
>  based on the following episodes: cell block (4x05) & tori fixes beck and jade (4x06)  
>  _disclaimer: victorious & its characters belong to its respective owner._

* * *

_their feelings and the in-betweens_

* * *

**_Jade West_** did not expect to hear the small thuds that erupted from the glass door of her bedroom's balcony at nearly eleven in the evening. She's been scribbling in her journal, writing random script plots and song lyrics, as she agonized the bet they made with Sikowitz earlier that week; in which they were to refrain from using any sort of technology that wasn't made before he was born.

She couldn't stop tapping her pen on the table, as she itches to use her phone, or at least listen to some music while she was coming up with something else to do, like cutting up papers with her favorite pair of scissors. Her annoyance was simply aggravated by the pebbles thrown at the glass. So, she gets up from the table to walk over the balcony to scream at whoever dared to disturb her.

At first, she expected it to be some kids in the neighborhood trying to get away with a prank, or maybe Cat who probably had nothing better to do —or maybe even Sinjin with all the weird stalker crap he does. Yet the person standing outside her house, was the last person she even expected to talk to that night.

_"What the fuck are you doing here?"_ she mouths to her ex-boyfriend, whose truck was parked in their driveway.

Figuring that he wouldn't be able to hear her, she lets out an exasperated sigh, as she motions for him to come up her room. _Turns out spending the night at Tori's house, pinning Cat down was not the worst thing she had to deal with that evening._

Beck Oliver climbs up the tree in front of her window and manages to land safely on her balcony, the same way he used to do so just a few years back. Jade crosses her arms, clearly unamused, "What do you want, _trespasser_?"

"I'm here to kidnap you" he tells her almost proudly, and she resists the urge to punch his pretty face.

"And they think _I'm_ insane" Jade scoffs.

"As if you have anything better to do" he counters, but she rolls her eyes yearning to push her ex-boyfriend off the fence.

"Get to the point, Oliver" she insisted, patience wearing thin.

"Well, I couldn't call you, 'cause _you know_ ," he shrugs, reminding her how they couldn't use their phones, "And I wanted to ask if you wanted to come over and hang out"

"I swear to God if you're asking for sex, I'm going to _castrate_ you," she threatens him.

" _Relax_ , Jade," he puts his hands up defensively before telling her, "I just wanted to talk. Couldn't sleep, and there's nothing better to do."

"That's _really_ all?" her eyebrow quirks up.

"And I figured you wouldn't let me into your room," he reasons out.

He was right, there was no way she'd be inviting him to her room now that they were broken up. And she could possibly risk waking her little brother up or having her mother learn of the visitor she had over at nearly midnight. Not to mention that there was also a part of her was also bored out of her mind, and curious to what he had in store. _Yeah, he got her._

"Fine. Let me grab my stuff" She gives in, and walks back indoors, but not before reminding him that she was still the one in control. "I'm coming because I want to, _not_ because you said so."

"Right, Right. I'll wait in my truck" Beck let's it pass as he climbs over the fence once more.

When they arrive in Beck's RV, Jade easily settles in as if it were an old habit. She sits by the foot of his bed as she watches him scramble around his home in search of some snacks and some beverages. She catches sight of the scratch on his cheek that he got from none other than Jessica Baxton, after ignoring a hundred of her texts; and recalling how he looked like a mess when he came into class after being both scratched and egged made Jade snicker.

"What?" Beck asks as he catches her from the corner of his eye.

"Just wondering if it still hurts"

"Yeah, little bit"

"Heh" she smiles smugly, as if it was karma that awaited him, "That's what you get for attracting the crazy girls"

"Jokes on you, I managed to date you" he counters nonchalantly, much to her annoyance.

" _Ass_ "

Beck sits down beside her as soon as he hands her a bottle of store-bought coffee (to get on her good side). But as soon as he sits down, he remembered just how much he missed this. And though it had been partially awkward for Jade, considering the last two times she had been there (1) they hooked up and (2) she and the other girls were fighting over Moose. A part of her hopes that he wouldn't bring it up, so she gets to the point before he gets the chance to control the conversation.

"So, what did you have in mind, Oliver?"

"A game," he shrugs, taking a sip of his own drink, "Twenty-one questions."

If her coffee hadn't tasted so damn good, she knows she would have poured it over him and walked out his door. Instead, she lets him explain his nonsense, "What are you, a middle schooler?"

It was a pathetic excuse of a heart-to-heart conversation, using some stupid party game like spin the bottle to get her to spill her secrets. She truly would have killed him if she wasn't too busy appreciating her coffee.

"Well, we never talked about the breakup. And it might help us get closure," he admits and almost immediately she'd rather say no, but she hesitates. After all, a part of her was curious about his life after the breakup. A part of her knows she won't get over him so easily.

But still, "That is sappy even for you."

Beck pulls out a new pair of black scissors and another bottle of coffee and sets it in front of her, before asking again, "Please?"

"This is bribery" she states. _And he knows it._

But Jade gives in anyway, though she made her very own conditions, "Thirteen questions combined. I go first"

_Typical Jade West_ , he thinks, knowing she had the upper hand with an extra question to ask. But he knows it was the most he can get, so he lets her.

"One," she began, "Who was the last girl you went on a date with?" The first step in getting to know your ex is finding out if he really does have feelings for Tori Vega, her sworn enemy, despite how much he denied it.

"You're really starting with that?" he asks her, reminded of how ridiculous she could be.

"Yes. Now, answer" Jade demands, she didn't want to waste a second in nonsense.

"I wouldn't call it a date but some Northridge girls just kinda got in my car" he answers truthfully. He hadn't gone out with anyone else, and he wouldn't call that one time he hung out with Tori, a date. Sure, girls still came after him, but even if he had a hard time declining, he was starting to learn of roundabout ways to reject them. He sure as hell didn't want to date a new girl when he still had feelings for his ex. But Jade didn't know that.

" _Typical_ "

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You never say know when to say no!" she argues, reminding him of the past, "I always had to scare them off"

"We're seriously going to fight about this?" he lets out a sigh, but he knows he would rather fight with her rather than have her walk away again.

" _Fine_ , your turn."

Beck doesn't hesitate to get personal, asking the one question he always wanted to ask her, "How were you since we broke up?"

" _Ecstatic._ " Sarcasm drips in her voice, but it doesn't stop his stomach from dropping.

"So, you really were doing good?" Beck tries to confirm if she really was telling the truth, because if it were, this whole thing would have just been a waste of time.

She notices the small flicker of disappointment in his eyes, and she heaves a sigh before admitting the truth, simultaneously using her turn, "Of course not, I was a mess. You?"

"Same," he agrees, and moves on to the next question, the one that had him so bothered that Andre had to come over and talk sense into him, "I heard you made out with Moose?"

"What's it to you?" she counters, remind him that he had no right questioning her choices. That he didn't have the right to get jealous and he was a hypocrite for doing so.

"I was just asking" he defends, and she rolls her eyes before answering.

"I did. I got too caught up in the competition."

"I get it" he tries to sound casual as he brushes it off once again, nevertheless he did not expect the next question coming.

"Really? Is that why you tried to kiss Vega?" she scoffs. Jade might never let him live that one off.

"How—"

"The call Cat started was still on" she cuts him off immediately with an answer. The mood immediately drops. And although she kept telling herself that they weren't together and she had no right to be jealous, it wasn't ever going to be easy trying to suppress her emotions. _Of all people, why was it Tori Vega in the first place?_

"I saw what _you_ did. How _she_ pulled away. How you even tried to convince her after _that_ " Jade continued almost mockingly, and Beck knows he had to speak the truth because he always knew how she felt about Tori. How often, his friend or her _not-so-friend,_ had been the root of countless of arguments.

"I wanted to get back at you," he tells her, although definitely not proud of it, "I was in a low spot. I hated how easy things seemed for you. I wanted to make you mad— I wanted to see if you still felt anything. It was a jerk move."

She nods but refrains from saying anything else. So, he takes it as a chance to take his turn.

"You were really cool with that time Tori and I hung out?" he repeats the question he asked her on his opposite date. Because although the four of them did end up spending time together the rest of the night, it seemed so unlikely of her to hold back on her anger.

"We already talked about that back then. Drop it" she tells him because it would be a waste of her sacrifice, if she did admit the truth.

But he doesn't relent, " _Jade_."

"Okay!" she groans, "I _did_ mean it when I told you to go out with whoever you wanted to. But, I also felt... a _bit_ bad. You kept sending mixed signals. You tried to kiss Tori, but you hooked up with me. You went on a date with her—"

" _Not_ really a date!"

"—And you didn't even answer the little girl's question!"

"What question?"

_"Which one of them do you think is prettier?"_ she helps him recall with a mocking accent, crossing her arms as she waits for him to answer.

Beck couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips. The smile that made her weak. The smile he used to give to _her_. He was so amused with how the Jade he knew was still there. The soft side of Jade he had a privilege of seeing. The side of her that adored bunnies, that pouted when he told her off, that always said _please_ when he asked for the magic word. He hadn't seen it in so long and _damn_ , it was one of the many things about her that he missed.

So, he doesn't regret inching closer beside her, and answering nonchalantly, "You were."

A smug grin immediately forms on her face, and she leans on his shoulder, "Of course I am. Next."

He rolls an eye at her response but puts an arm around her anyway. It takes a while before he manages to use his turn because, he didn't want to ruin. But he gathers courage to say it anyway, "Why, didn't you trust me in the entirety we dated?"

"Beck..." Jade pulls away as she lifts her head from his shoulder, to look him in the eye. She didn't know that he always thought of it that way. She always assumed that it was only something he told her when they fought, because she always freaked out from every girl who he even talked to. She never knew he took it seriously.

"It's just— It's been on my mind the entire time..."

"I did or at least I always tried to—," she answers his question while looking him in the eye, to let him know how much she meant it. "I always tried to convince myself to believe in you. _Every. Single. Time."_

She adds, "But sometimes I get scared, you know? And sometimes you love making me jealous, even if you know that some of those girls like you for real."

"Sorry," he apologizes although it may have been a couple of months too late. "Your turn."

She thinks carefully, wondering if he kept anything else from her. She always assumed that he always was fearless, that nothing would faze him, because he surely wasn't scared of her when they dated— he was an exception to all the other guys. He was the only one who fought back. But did Beck Oliver really hide his insecurities and opinions from her?

"While were confessing," she trails on before asking, "What did you hate about me the most?"

" _Hate_ is a strong word"

"Which is why I always use it"

"Okay" he gives in, knowing there would be no end to it. "I couldn't tell what you were thinking. I knew how you felt—when you're scared, when you're sad or even when you're hurt— but I could never understand _why_ you felt that way. And you always run away instead of explaining it"

She knows that. After all, it was a defense mechanism she often had.

"What were you so afraid of, anyway?" he returns the question, and she heaves a sigh before answering.

"You know that my parents are divorced, right?" she reminds him, and he answers with a nod. "I was afraid of relationships; of people leaving. My mom switches boyfriends every now and then, my dad doesn't give a shit about me because he's so happy with his new wife."

"Cat's too sweet, too innocent. I always believed that my problems would be too much for her. That's why, I only had _you_ , and I couldn't afford to lose _you_ " she admits before continuing, knowing that it would be a _long_ conversation.

"My family broke apart when dad let us walk out on him. He never chased us, nor did he try to fix the family they built together. My mom was a wreck, she got knocked up by one of the guys she was dating to get over her failed marriage. But she got over it, she raised me and my brother as a single parent. And I learned in the same way that I had to be tough. I always thought that if I was the first one to walk away, then I would come out as the victor."

Beck feels sick after hearing about her parents. He was reminded of the way he let her walk out. Guilt builds up in his gut and thoughts ran through her head as he wondered how much he hurt her.

"After hearing everything people say, the disapproval over every single thing, whether it was going to an art school or whether it was dating you, their words eventually— It just gets to you. I was scared, but I always fought back because it was the only thing that I was good at. I didn't care as long as you stayed, but when I think about you changing your mind or leaving— _I couldn't take that_."

"You did so much, and sometimes I wondered how much you have to sacrifice until you finally leave. You always had to deal with me, deal with our fights, deal with your parents— God, your parents hated me. I didn't know what to do when ended up living in an RV, Beck"

"I moved for many reasons. But, they didn't hate you" he stops her midway.

Jade West was not exactly the type of girl that parents would want for their son. Any parent wouldn't choose her over a girl like sunshine like Tori Vega or a girl as sweet as cupcakes like Cat Valentine.

He knew they didn't approve his relationship with Jade, at first. The girl dyed her hair, had piercings, had a tattoo; she didn't appear to be the best influence. And she was also the reason why the door to his RV had to be repaired way too often than it should.

But what she didn't know was that before they were dating, his parents had always been too overbearing. They didn't approve of his choices, they always told him what to do. It was only when he knew her that she helped him stand up for himself. It was because of _that_ that he was able to talk sense into them, and they were finally able to hear him out.

And he also knew how well his relationship with his parents turned out for the better. How they learned how to respect his choices, how they understood that he had to learn for himself at some point. And most especially, how they figured out how much Jade West made Beck Oliver happy. It was why she got invited on trips (although his other relatives disapproved).

"They were hesitant. They nagged me a lot" he corrects her, "And the last time you tried to do something _nice_ , my dad got mauled by a dog. And they _did_ want me to break up with you when we started dated, but eventually it turned into an inside joke. They found it amusing how you were _polite_ to them, and how you acted all timid and obedient in contrast to your appearance"

"I am _not_ timid" she glares at him. But she knows what he meant. She didn't do the whole _meet-the-parents_ thing, which was why she may have appeared a tad bit softer during their interaction (although she hated to admit it). What can she say? Sometimes she truly was unpredictable.

"They knew you helped me learn how to stand up for myself. And they knew I was happy to be with you" he assures her, ignoring her previous comment.

At that, she takes the chance to ask the big question, the reason they weren't together anymore. She was sick of beating around the bush and hoping for nothing. She had to know, because she could never understand why he did it.

"Then, why didn't you open the door?"

"I wasn't lying when I told you I wasn't happy with our relationship," he starts off, and she already feels the tears building up in her eyes. She thinks that it was a bad idea bringing it up, but he doesn't give her the chance to take it back.

" _We_ weren't happy" Beck corrects himself, "But that _didn't_ mean that I wanted to break it off. We fought too much, and the last few weeks we dated, we couldn't even have a decent conversation. One of us would always blow a fuse over the smallest things, and I knew it'd end eventually if it kept going."

Beck keeps going when he notices how she kept silent, "I know we'll always fight, it's our thing. I get _that_. But the ones that time were different, and I was tired of fighting _you_. And having that game show, having to hear what people had to say about us just exhausted me, because I didn't want us to turn out the way they said. I didn't want us to be the worst couple, and I think a part of me was freaked out about it."

"But I wanted to fix us," he takes her hand in his, "I didn't open the door because I underestimated our last fight. I thought we needed to cool down, and I'd eventually find you in my RV and we'd talk about thinks like we used to. It didn't sink in that it was really over until Cat lashed out on me and I couldn't talk to you."

"Cat did?" she repeats as if she misheard him. It was unlike Cat to do so and hearing about it made her smile. There was no one who wouldn't feel bad if sweet Caterina Valentine were to get upset by them. She was sure Beck would have felt guilty.

"Yeah" he chuckles.

"We're a mess" Jade breathes out, realizing how different their perspectives were, and he couldn't help but agree.

"Yeah, we are. We never really got to sit down and talk honestly like this," he points out and she leans back into his shoulder.

"It's too sappy, I'd rather not make it a habit" she tells him before he brings up his last question.

"Do you think we can still get back together?" Beck looks down at her, knowing it was his last turn, and that the girl was not likely to spare him another one.

Jade takes a couple of moments to speak up. She wasn't sure. The hesitation he observed from her, caused an unsettling feeling in his gut. He was nervous, a tad bit scared even, because he realizes that losing her might be his one fear. And her answer would change the course of their relationship from then on.

"Maybe" she tells him, but she doesn't pull away from him.

It was the truth. She doesn't think she's ready to get back so quickly. She wasn't sure if he would be able to back up his words, if they really had changed. But she'd love for there to be a time when they do get back together.

_Things would be different_. They both knew that, but nevertheless they knew they could never be apart forever.

She wasn't lying when she told him about how she forgot who she was before she met him. She knew that having to circle her life around him was big mistake on her part. She knew how dependent she got. She knew how that couldn't happen again. And that was exactly why she wanted them to take their time, to find where everything should be put together. And he gets that, that's why he doesn't dare to ask what they would be from now on.

"Do you still love me?" Jade asks the thirteenth question, just seeking for confirmation.

And Beck doesn't hesitate when he answers, even though he knew that she wouldn't say it back, "Who said I stopped?"

His lips met hers and she doesn't pull away. She kisses him back after insisting that it won't be a habit. That tonight was an exception. They had felt closer than they had been in years. They don't label their relationship; but they knew that it was finally all okay— _they were going to be okay._

That night they fall asleep cuddling in bed, finally feeling the comfort and security of being in each other’s arms. When they wake up that morning, it felt as if their routine was back to normal. She dressed in the clothes she never got back from his RV and stole one his old flannel shirts. He couldn't help but take note of how he loved seeing her in them.

He drops her off at the Jet Brew near school, because he knows that she always needs coffee, and they agreed not to mention about anything about their relationship in public. They wanted to take their time away from the eyes of the everyone who always meddled in their business far too much.

But he does ask, "Are you coming over tonight?"

And she answers, "Yes."

"But I'll be late because we'll be restraining Cat at Vega's house, and we have to come up with some plan to beat your asses" Jade adds reminding him of their little bet with Sikowitz.

She maintains her fiery personality that he loves so much, and that glint in her eyes she had when she was driven to win against a competition. It was nothing like the soft Jade West he had seen last night.

But he doesn't mind, because he found himself fond of both sides of her.

* * *

**_Beck Oliver_** knows that things were never going to be _that_ easy. They might have fallen back in their routine of falling asleep in each other's arms, and she does hitch a ride with him from time to time. They kiss, but it was more of quick pecks than the make-out sessions they used to have. They took their pace slowly in contrast to how they've already done nearly everything together.

But he knows that _that_ wouldn't be all it took. If that was all it took to repair a relationship, then divorces and breakups would be close to nonexistent.

Though, he was slowly changing. In fact, although he used to find it difficult to reject girls, he was now able to make excuses without hurting their feelings and escape their clutches by constantly insisting he had to something to do that time. It wasn't too blunt nor was it as straightforward as Jade West's typical _'NO!'_ , but he was getting somewhere.

Although somehow, his friends made it harder. Because Tori Vega, apparently won’t allow him to reject Meredith, with his pathetic excuse of counting the nickels and quarters that he collected.

"I don't actually have a jar of coins!" he tells Tori the obvious, trying to get his friend off his back.

" _Nooo_ " Tori says with sarcasm, waiting for him to explain himself.

Beck simply tells her the issue, "I can't hang out with Meredith, okay?"

"Why not? She's cute and totally likes you" the half Latina points out, and he immediately looks at Jade's direction to make sure she wasn't aware of anything that just happened.

" _Shhh_!" he hushes Tori, not wanting to ruin what he was working on with Jade. He didn't want a fight to emerge soon especially after how well things were going.

"Why do I have to _shhh_?" Tori mocks him, and he swears that he hopes she doesn't hear them from afar.

With that, Beck immediately grabs her by the wrist to pull her towards the janitor closet, carefully eyeing Jade to make sure she wasn't suspicious of anything. He keeps in mind that he couldn't tell anyone about his _currently-ambiguous-under-repair-relationship_ with his _ex-kinda-almost-girlfriend,_ as he attempts not to make it obvious that he was still all over Jade.

"Okay! I get that Meredith likes me," he tells it clear enough for Tori to understand.

"And maybe I could like her," he adds as to not make her suspicious over his feelings, "But you know... _Jade_ "

"Ugh" his friend groans, "You and Jade broke up months ago!"

He couldn't understand her fixation on his dating life, and he curses how persistent the girl could be. Because _dammit, he was finally getting his ex-girlfriend back,_ and he definitely didn't have any time to spare for Meredith.

"Yeah," He agrees, recalling why Jade hates the girl in the first place. "But when we were dating, one summer, Meredith and I were in a play together. And it made Jade like _crazy_ jealous"

He wasn't lying. In fact, if Jade West was to find out that Meredith was after him again, she would definitely lose it, and all hell would break lose. _Yeah, if it wasn't clear enough he'd rather not have that happen._

" _Ohhh_ ," Tori gives a look of understanding, "Okay. And if she finds out that you were snoodling with Meredith now..."

"Jade would explode like Trina's too tight pants" he finishes for her.

"So, your plan is to spend the rest of your life being scared of Jade?" his friend asks him as if he was being ridiculous.

Beck scoffs. It didn't sound like such a bad idea to spend the rest of his life with her.

"Well, that's not my _only_ plan," he defends "Someday I'd like to plant a vegetable garden."

"You know what would make Jade not care if you started dating a new girl?" Tori still insists on providing him some sort of assistance.

"If the new girl had no head?"

"No!" she corrects him, before explaining her idea, "If she was dating a new guy"

_No_. God, _no_. That wasn't what he wanted, nor was it in any of his plans.

"None of the guys at school would ask her out" Beck insists.

"Why not?"

"Because Jade is _terrifying_ " he answers quick enough for Tori to be able to tell that it was true. He was called crazy by many of his friends for even daring to date her. So many times did his hair get drenched by coffee, did she threated to cut him up, did she decline every single offer of a date. If some guy were to break her walls like he managed to do so, then Beck would have definitely made sure that everyone knew that he was hers and she was his again.

"All she has to do is look at most guys and they start shaking and peeing," he explains, hoping Tori would finally let go of the issue.

"There _has_ to be some guy in Hollywood Arts who would ask out Jade"

Yeah, _him_. But before Beck can even say anything else and point towards himself, Sinjin interrupts by opening the door of the Janitor's closet. Beck doesn't even bother to spare him any attention as he shakes his head before Tori shuts the door.

* * *

**_Jade West_** had every right to be furious when she learns that Tori Vega and Andre Harris had the audacity to pay a guy to ask her out. She never sought out any assistance in her dating life, and as of then she was pretty satisfied with her current relationship. In the first place, she didn't give a fuck for any guy who didn't have any balls to ask her out. And second, as far as she knows, Beck was the only who had enough courage to handle her. Which was why she was planning to sing at the Full Moon Jam for _him_ ; and she'd rather not have anyone ruin her plans.

But apparently, they did.

After jumping down from the trap door of the library that led to janitor's closet, she grabs the first thing she sees and threatens them.

"I'm gonna take _this_ and kill you both with it," she swore as she held the roll of toilet paper in front of the two idiots, who apparently were her supposed friends.

"How can you kill us with toilet paper?" Tori manages to ask, but Jade doesn't waver.

"Put it down," Beck tells her, gesturing to the roll and the floor. "Put. It. Down"

He was the only one who could ever tame her. And although she hated it when people told her what to do, she listens to him anyway.

Beck tries to understand why Jade was chasing after their friends and why they were running away from her as if their lives were on the line. He wonders what in the world could they have possibly done to piss off Jade, who was more often that not, already mad at the world. "What are you all wazzed off about?"

"These two butt cheeks paid a guy to ask me out on a date" Jade clearly makes her point because even this manages to irritate him.

_What?_

If he recalled correctly, Andre Harris, his best friend, was already was already well aware about how he felt towards Jade. And although, they never talked about it again and he never told her that they were trying to get back together, Beck didn't expect the musician to pull off something stupid like paying a guy to take the girl he loved on a date. _And don't even get him started on Tori fucking Vega._

"We were trying to help!" Tori defends herself.

This only aggravates Jade because she had always been capable of handling things herself, "Why do I need your help?!"

"'Cause guys are scared to ask you out!"

"That's how I like it!"

"I got dragged into this" Andre attempts to reason out.

"See," Tori decides to explain their side of the story, "We thought—"

" _You_ thought—" Andre corrects her.

" _We_ thought" She repeats before trailing on, "That if you got asked out by a guy. You'd be more okay if Beck asked out a girl."

"Oh my God," Jade West couldn't believe what she just heard. She wonders what the fuck was happening between them, but she recalls how she was the one who insisted that they shouldn't be dating ( _yet_ , at least).

But she had always told him to do what he wanted to; he could go out with that chick for all she cared. It was better to get it over with before they even got started. It was better have him go, before she let him back in again.

"How many times do I have to say it? I don't care who you date! We broke up. Ask out any girl you want" she lowers her voice, clearly exasperated.

At this, Beck couldn't help but look her in the eye, wondering if she really meant it.

"See! I said you should've just asked out Meredith" Tori enters the conversation and makes it worse for him than it was already was.

_He swore to God that she will be the end of him_. In the first place this was brought on by her meddling and her insistence that he should date the nice girl. He didn't need Jade freaking out over a girl they fought about in the past.

_Jade called it._ She knew, and he never listened to her back then.

"Meredith?!" Jade raises her voice in rage. Andre immediately walks up to the shelves to take the remaining toilet paper, making sure she couldn't use any to murder anyone in the room with it.

" _Jade_ ," Beck attempts to clear the misunderstanding.

" _Oh_ , I knew it two years ago when you were in that _awful_ play with her!"

"I think I wrote that play" Andre recalls from behind him.

Jade continues to rant her irritation, mocking the girl with a high-pitched accent, "And Meredith was always like _'Oh, Beck! Why don't you come over my house so we can rehearse our lines!_ ', _'Oh, Beck! I brought you some cupcakes!'"_

"Meredith brings _everybody_ cupcakes. Her Dad owns a cupcake shop," Beck reminds her, and the flow of conversation turns into a talk about the cupcakes to which the other two gushed over.

"You know what?" Jade gives in. She didn't want to deal with this shit. "I don't care. Go out with Meredith."

She didn't need to be caught up on some competition against a sweet girl that was probably made of sugar and everything nice; everything Jade West apparently hates.

She even mouths it to him carefully as she walks out the door, " _Enjoy her cupcakes_ "

Beck sighs. Things were going so well. Maybe _too_ well. Which was why it didn't take long for them to be fighting once again. But then again, they wouldn't have been Beck and Jade if didn't argue. Though it was brought on to him by his friends, and as much as he'd like to act cool with it, his irritation doesn't seem to be settling down.

His best friend obviously sensed his mood because he tries to lighten the atmosphere by raising a roll of toilet paper and asking, "How can she kill you with it?"

But he didn't relent.

Although Beck Oliver was often the calmest in the room. He couldn't let this one past him. It took years to have Jade West trust him, and he knows it would take an equally fair amount of time to have her do so again. Having another argument with her was the last thing he had in mind, and the fact that their friends lent him a hand in doing so, wasn't helping in the least.

"Beck..." Tori chases after him.

It especially doesn't help when the source of the trouble tries to confront him. He finds himself having the strongest urge to ignore her, because he knows he might spit out words that he'd regret or words that would most definitely hurt his friend.

Nevertheless, he also knows that Tori Vega is not one to give up. She was persistent as hell, and it was what got him in trouble in the first place. So, he turns his heel to face her after walking past nearly half of the hall.

"Jade has nothing to do with this. Why would you do _that_?" he couldn't help but ask, irritation evident in his voice for more than one reason.

"Because we both know she would get mad! And I don't want that to ruin your possibilities of dating someone new" She tells him, and although she did do it for his sake, it irked him when he notices that she didn't even consider Jade's feelings.

"Are serious?" He raises his hand up in exasperation at how insensitive she could be at times, "How would you feel if some guy just dated you for money, Tori?"

"I know. But—But you won't go out with Meredith. I didn't know how else to convince you" she bites her lip, as the guilt settled in. At least she knew she was in the wrong.

"Did it ever occur to her that I don't want to?"

"What's wrong with her? She's nice and cute!" Tori continues to persuade him. Even rambling on and on as if she knew him so well. As if she knew them _that_ well. "I know she's different from Jade. But don't you think dating a nice girl would be better than dating someone you fought with all the time? Someone who won't scream at any girl who tries to approach you? She's different but she's surely make a better girlfriend than Jade did"

_What the hell do you know?,_ Beck had the strongest urge to say.

He sucks in a breath because he thinks he might explode. Tori Vega knew _nothing_. Because for the longest time he knows that he and Jade weren't the ideal couple, that they weren't exactly near normal; that while everyone always saw a dysfunctional relationship, Beck and Jade saw themselves as to people who just wanted to be together.

In the first place, it wasn't like he dated her trying to fit into a cardboard cutout of what they should be. He dated her because he liked her and stayed despite how rocky it could get because he learned how to love her. And honestly wasn't that what mattered the most?

So, why was it that people can never seem to mind their own damn business?

He knows that everyone around them is always acting like they were so entitled in defining his relationship, but _damn_ , was he sick of that. It was the very reason why they broke up in the first place, and he'd rather not make the same mistake again.

"Don't—" he warns her, barely able to speak up with the risk of lashing out.

" _Oh my god_. Are you still hung up on her? Is that why?"

" _Tori_ "

"That's unhealthy Beck. You can't keep rejecting people who can possibly make you happy. Even Jade gave you her blessing!" the girl continues to point out based on her own opinion, and he honestly doesn't think he can bear another second.

_God, this girl has got to learn how to listen,_ he mentally curses how his friend wouldn't stop jumping into her own conclusions. In the first place, _why was she so damn concerned about other people's business?_ It was the part of Tori Vega he was never so fond of.

"Just stop, okay?" Beck insists, hoping that she heeds his warning. He has other things to prioritize and he knows he couldn't afford let his anger get the best of him, so he goes to the very person he has to talk to.

* * *

**_Beck Oliver_** was aware that there were more than enough instances that Jade's hatred for Tori Vega was justified. In fact, there were countless times that he found himself guilty of siding with Tori, but there were also times that he would never let past him. Like how she just had to schedule her stupid prom on Jade's long-awaited play; or how he learns of the fact that a half-naked diaper man carried his girlfriend for nearly a mile down the street. Had Jade not been able to defend herself, he didn't even want to think about what could happen.

Contrary to how he usually had his emotions in check, having heard of Tori paying some guy to ask Jade her out, was a lot similar to one of those times. But he knows that more than any of that, he was more concerned of how Jade felt, because he knows this is a blow to her pride.

And more often than not, it was also those times that the raven-haired girl with colorful highlights had the tendency to shut him out. And he knows that because of the misunderstanding with Meredith, her temper would have been a lot worse than it usually was. That's why, unlike the first two times, he doesn't hesitate to walk out of the door to chase after her despite how Tori Vega had stopped him in his tracks momentarily.

Nevertheless, Jade West never makes it easy, because she ignores him for the rest of their periods together.

"Jade" he calls out to her for the nth time, as he catches her by her locker that was accentuated by scissors.

" _What_?" she finally snaps, despite not sparing the boy a glance.

"There's nothing between Meredith and—" Beck tries his best to explain, only for the girl to cut him off immediately.

"Why do I care? We're _not_ dating," her words pierce him, "Go shove one of her bloody cupcakes up your ass"

"Jade, _please_ " he wants to beg her, before she flares up on her own. But she was far too emotional for rationality.

Jade West was considerably offended by the fact that Tori and Andre paid some dude to ask her out, but it was nowhere near her current irritation towards her _ex-kinda-almost-boyfriend_ , who apparently didn't have the guts to talk to her about Meredith's advances.

Beck Oliver had always been transparent, for her at least. But that didn't mean anything related to honesty. It meant that he always showed people what _they_ wanted to see. In the same way that the contents of his locker were neither controversial nor anything important. He acts as if he had nothing to hide, but in contrary, he just doesn't show it where everyone else could see.

She had always known about that part of him that had always managed to irk her: that part of him that could never speak up for himself; that couldn't dare to say no; that would answer in a way that made sure it wouldn't hurt anyone. He often played safe, and she knows that it wouldn't be easy for him to completely grow out of it, but there were times he just had to.

In the first place, if he cared so much about what other people thought, they were just going to return to the cycle. The cycle where everyone else's opinions would get to them, the cycle in which their relationship would be dragged around in hopes of approval from others, the cycle that eventually ruined the three years they had together. She was certainly aware that if things wouldn't change then it would inevitably repeat its doom.

That's why she tells him, as she slams the door of her locker, "I can't always be the person to tell you what to do. Make your _own_ damn decisions"

He knows that sometimes anger got the best of her; and that more often than not she doesn't mean what she says, but at this, he just had to ask, "You're seriously fine with me going to the Full Moon Jam with _her_?"

Beck couldn't understand, and perhaps his irritation did hinder him from doing so. But more than anything, he had to clench his fist as he tries to suppress his emotions. She was still pushing him away.

_Like every single time_ , the thought enters the back of his mind. His frustration just builds up, from Meredith's advances, from Tori's persistence, from Jade's stubbornness that he can never win against.

"You heard me! Be my guest!" Jade invites him, nearly shouting with a voice laced with both anger and sarcasm; something she often used.

"Fine I will!" he retorts the very words he didn't want to tell her. He was caught up in both the anxiety of having her give up so easily and the fear of having her push him away again; because Jade never tells him what's wrong.

" _Fine_!" she raises her hands up as if she was done talking to him. And once again, Beck Oliver realizes he was back to square one.

_One step forward and two steps back_. If he had the chance to explain his relationship with Jade he believes that would be the most appropriate phrase to say it. Their pride always got the better of them and he knew it, but he also learns to refuse to give up.

Nevertheless, he thinks that he might as well accept Meredith's invitation in order to tell the poor girl that he has no interest in dating (anyone else but Jade) for the time being. And at the same time, he may possibly get Tori to shut up about his love life. It was like killing two birds with one stone.

So, he sits at their lunch table, with Andre and Tori beside each other. His best friend was clearly remorseful as he refuses to get involve anymore; but Tori was still stubborn with her beliefs.

"If I go out with Meredith for one date, will you agree to get off my back?" he asks his friend and she nods excitedly; perhaps too confident that he would enjoy his time with Meredith, and perhaps assured by the fact that from what she said, Jade West has moved on unlike Beck Oliver.

"Yes! Will you, finally?" 

"One condition"

"What?"

"Don't try to set some guy up for Jade" he warns her, horrified by the thought that his friend was often too ambitious, "God knows you’re not cupid"

" _Deal_ "

* * *

**_Jade West_** tries her best not to hide her disappointment when her plan ends up backfiring. She doesn't meet with Beck after their argument in front of her locker. In fact, she doesn't even talk to him during the past few days. Since then, they were reminded of the security they lacked when they weren't in each other's arms; and they could vividly recall the reminder of their breakup.

It never felt right when they weren't with each other, but they decide to suck it up. Beck swore to himself that he'll settle his problems one by one, right after his date with Meredith; whereas Jade promised that she'll deal with everything that came after the performance she worked so hard for.

She's been working on it for days, checking on the sound system, rehearsing her song— the song she wrote for Beck Oliver. And although it was highly unlike her to declare her feelings for some guy through a song, she always had a talent in using music to express her emotions.

After all, Jade West was only ever honest in her art; like the play she wrote based on her father, or the song she wrote with Andre that she based on her relationship with Beck. It was the one of the rare times that she was honest with him, and she believes that it would have been a great gesture to show him how much he really meant to her after their confessions during the thirteen questions they asked that one night.

Because to her, Beck Oliver was more than just a pretty boy. He was someone who didn't fear her like everybody else, someone who did everything they could to break her walls, someone who stayed by her side despite what she puts him through. He wasn't like everybody else. He was the one who stuck by her, and looked beyond that tough exterior she so often presents herself in. And even if his looks would have matched that of a Greek god, she knows that he wasn't perfect no matter what everyone else thought; but nevertheless, she accepts him for who he was in the same way he did for her.

That was why the song she wrote was especially written for a special boy, to tell him about herself—the thoughts and feelings she would never express so easily.

So, even though the boy previously mentioned has decided to take Meredith out for the Full Moon Jam, Jade knows better than to back down from a battle. She was not going to let herself back out on a performance she worked so hard on, just because of a few problems along the way. She was not going to let anyone get the better of her.

Although, in one way or another, she is determined to sing in front of everyone else, to give him another chance because she knows that he deserves at least that and he shouldn't be the only one who tried to fix them; because, although, she did stir the direction of their relationship, Beck had always been the one who always insisted to fix it. And she was well aware that they equally had their faults to blame.

That's why when Andre Harris tells her to prepare for her turn, she sucks in a breath and reminds herself that _Jade West doesn't get nervous_ ; that she shouldn't be scared, because this wouldn't be any different from all the other battles she fought. And just like every single time, she makes sure that she would stand on the stage leaving behind everything else and focusing on the one thing she was there for.

**_Beck Oliver_** realizes that some things will never truly change. In the first place, they were teenagers trying to get a feel of a serious relationship. They fought a lot and they both had their own immaturities and faults, but he thinks that it wasn't completely a bad thing, so long as it doesn't end up ruining them like before. After all, he knew that he wouldn't have any one another than the azure-eyed girl to be his girlfriend.

Because Jade West was completely different from other girls. It was what attracted him to her in the first place. She had spunk and she wasn't just some damsel that needed saving. She was tough and headstrong, despite how her stubbornness often irked him. Though, even if she was strong, it wasn't that she didn't have a weakness; it was that she fought to get past it.

But more than anything else, she was girl who didn't see just the exterior of how he appeared to be. She did not gush, nor did she claim to fall in love with him at first sight, unlike all the other girls who seemed to like him for his looks or misunderstood kindness. She liked him for who he was and hated it when he pretended to be something he wasn't, just to please others. And working hard for her was in more than one way, so damn worth it; because she made him feel things he never felt before.

They never settled for what everyone saw in them, instead they found time to know about the truth that was hidden past the caricature of their selves that they showed other people.

That's why, having Meredith beside him instead of Jade, was in more than one way, aggravating, because not only was she not the girl he loved, but she had also been trying so hard to please him, having to agree with every single thing he said that night. And he hated it. Because more than anything else, he was certain that no matter how much he fought with Jade, he was not fond of the idea of having a relationship that was rooted on pretend and facades.

When he had almost enough of it for the night, he walks up to the food table to grab himself some punch, with an excited Tori Vega standing nearby. As soon as he greets his friend, she's already looking forward to gossip about his date that night.

"So, you and Meridith, huh? You guys gonna _snoodle_?" she says suggestively while he serves himself a drink.

"There will be no snoodling" Beck says it clear and loud enough for her to make sure she wasn't going to jump into any conclusions.

"What?" Tori immediately looks at him as if she had wasted the last few days trying to convince him and almost being killed by his ex-girlfriend, "After everything I've done? I was almost attacked with toilet paper!"

"Look, Meredith is nice" he tries to explain in a way that won't be rude to the poor girl he just walked away from, " _Too_ nice."

Having spent an evening with the said girl, turns out to be a good thing because now, he was definitely certain that no matter what happens, Jade West was the only one he'd seek after. It was clear enough, after the highly unlikely chances of him moving on or the fact that he hadn't been in another relationship after his ex-girlfriend.

"I think I've learned something about myself" he adds, only to be interrupted with the girl's sassy remark.

"That you're ungrateful to your friend who tried to fix you up with a _cute_ girl?"

"No, I just think that I like dating a girl who, you know" he trails on trying to find the exact words to define the raven-haired girl whom he was too fond off, recalling how her icy blue eyes so often pierced through him. "Fights back"

Almost immediately Tori knows exactly who he was talking about, but she asks to make sure of it, because her friend could also be a masochist in search of a dysfunctional relationship. "You—"

"I mean a girl who has strong opinions," he specifies immediately, as if he heard his friend's doubts, "And a big mouth."

" _Why_?" Tori couldn't understand, in more than one case she had witnessed their fights and how bad they could be. She had witnessed them ruin each other and bring pain that she never dared to think about.

"Because it's not _easy_ ," He explains, knowing that it was the same reason why everything about Jade West was worth it. Because he knows he never worked hard for someone else other than her. Because in the same way she brought out the worst in him, she also brought out the best parts of Beck Oliver that most people didn't have the privilege of knowing.

"Easy is boring" he adds, and almost immediately Tori finally listens.

"Okay, I get that" she agrees, but also recalls that Jade has seemed to move on. Trying to make sure she knew who he was talking about she asks, "So, who's not boring?"

Their conversation was immediately cut short when Andre Harris introduces Jade on stage, signaling the start of her performance. They both turn their heads in order to support their friend ( _not-really-friend_ ). Tori gives him her usual grin, excited to listen to the goth's performance.

The raven-haired girl strides the stage confidently, without an instance of hesitation as she grabs the mic. Just her presence caught his attention almost immediately. And as soon as she starts singing, she looks around and sees him. His eyes never left her for a second as her voice sound with emotion.

When he listens to the first few lines of her song, the lyrics immediately resonate with him and he realizes she was actually singing to him. He walks towards the front of the crowd, as claps alongside her performance, eyes remaining focused on a single girl.

She looks him directly in the eye from time to time, and he couldn't help the smiles that escape his lips every now and then.

_I'm dangerous, I'm warning you_

_But you're not afraid of me_

_And I can't convince you_

_And I don't have to_

_I think you know me_

The boy finds himself walking towards her as soon as she finishes singing. He forgets about Meredith, about his argument with Jade a few days ago, and about everything else. All that mattered was the girl in front of him. How she sang to him, how she wrote him a song, how she told him the truth.

When he stands in the stage, facing her, he forgets about everyone else who was watching them, because right then Jade West was all that mattered to Beck Oliver.

And he instantly tells her, with a small smile on his face, words of defeat, "I've missed you."

"So, what are you going to do about it?" she challenges him, and he knows that she was giving him a choice.

And he finally makes his decision, by stretching a hand to reach for her face, before leaning in to kiss her, while her arm wrap around his neck almost instantly. He puts his free hand on her waist like he used to, as if it was where it was always meant to be.

The audience cheered them on, applauding the reunion of the couple. When they hear Andre's grandmother shouting excitedly, they couldn't help but pull their faces away for a moment to let out a smile before locking lips once again.

_And at that moment, everything was more than okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _when i was rewatching cell block, (i know i'm probably overthinking it but) i noticed that jade was wearing a plaid shirt, and when i saw how they were looking at each other when the boys won and how he tickled her (not tori or cat, but jade) i just thought that there must be something that happened between them and i refuse to let it pass. thus, the inspo for this chapter._
> 
> _other than that, thank you for still reading this fic, as well as all the comments and kudos, they really mean a lot to me. and merry christmas!_


	5. it's more than enough to have you stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on the following episodes: tori fixes beck and jade (4x06); one thousand berry balls (4x07); robbie sells rex (4x08); victori-yes (4x13)  
>  _disclaimer: victorious & its characters belong to its respective owner._

* * *

_their afterthoughts and memories_

* * *

**_Beck Oliver felt as if his nightmares were momentarily over._** The couple was nearly inseparable as soon as they started locking lips on stage. Andre Harris had to nudge his two friends to remind them that he still had a show to run, and they should just get a room instead of making out in front of nearly the entire student body who were there for the Full Moon Jam. It takes a bare minimum of seconds before they leave the stage and make out against his truck. And when they finally managed to head back home to his RV their hands are all over each other and the events of that night continued to escalate. Their clothes lay on the floor and they hold each other in the dim light of his home.

He missed her warmth and her presence in his arms, as well as her azure eyes that showed the fire of the challenge she often poses. Although they had only been apart for a few days, his yearning for her was incomparable from their nearly ten-month break. It felt as if she was a drug, and he was tantalized by the first time he had her since they broke up.

She missed his beautiful raven locks, that she so often ran her fingers through as he kissed him endearingly. The girl finds herself warming up to him as her heart softens at the sound of his voice, repeatedly telling her how much he loved her.

Although they had decided to take things slow, they knew they wouldn't be able to keep that promise at all. And as soon as they both come down from their high and embrace each other while basking in the warmth of their bodies. They don't speak for a few moments as they try to catch their breath.

"Beck," Jade was the first one to speak up, as she notices the necklace that laid near his dresser, illuminated by the soft light of his lamp. Because, although he didn't wear it as often as before, he always kept in near his sight.

"I'm sorry."

Her words immediately felt like someone tightened a grip on his heart, as he felt frogs croak in his stomach. He was reminded of the time they hooked-up after the breakup and how she immediately regretted the idea of getting back with him. This causes him to jolt up almost immediately, in fear that she would leave again.

"Please, _don't_ —" his voice cracks, barely able to finish his sentence. And Jade must have seen the worry in his eyes because she pulls him towards her to give him a kiss, wrapping an arm around him as he laid back in bed.

"I'm not breaking up with you" she assures him, and he finally lets out the breath that he didn't know he was holding. "I think we've had enough of those"

"No more ultimatums?" he asks her almost pleadingly, and she completely agrees.

"None" she agrees before saying half-jokingly, "So, if I don't talk to you for days, don't take it as a break and cheat on me; or else, I'll make sure they don't find your dead body"

He cracks a smile first and reverts the topic back to what it was before he panicked, thinking that it wasn't so often that Jade West apologized. He was definitely sure that she had nothing to be sorry for, seeing as he believed that he was mainly to blame for the breakup, although she was aware of their equal faults.

"Then, what are you sorry for?"

"I lost our necklace" she speaks up and his eyes soften, it was nothing like the hundred thoughts that ran through his brain that fueled his anxiety. He was able to revert to his calm demeanor, as if his worries were washed away for a moment.

It was then that Jade began rambling, "I freaked out when I lost it. I searched everywhere. It honestly felt like a sign from the universe telling me to move on."

"Maybe it _is_ a sign from the universe" Beck turns to her, and she quirks an eyebrow before he continues, "We should start with a clean slate."

"I'd like that" she agrees.

"Me too," he agreed as they settled in each other's arms.

Jade speaks up once again, right when he thought he was almost dozing off, "Beck?"

"Yeah?" he kisses her temple as he wrapped her tighter in his arms.

"You know what you're getting back into, right?" the girl's soft voice makes its way to his ears. Because like she usually did, she believes that if he plans to leave it was better to do so now before he breaks her heart in the long run.

"Yeah" he answers softly, before assuring her, "I love you"

The azure-eyed maiden doesn't say it back, and he knows she's not ready and it would take a bit longer than that; because when she says it, it would mean showing her vulnerability again, giving him an opportunity to hurt her. After all, trust was something incredibly precious to receive from Jade West. And although he knows how much of a privilege it was to earn it, a part of him wonders if he'll ever get it back.

Instead, she tells him, like her typical self, "Shut up. You've been saying that like you're a broken record."

He chuckles as they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms. Beck Oliver finds himself hoping this wasn't just a dream, that he wouldn't wake up any second and find her gone.

* * *

**_Jade West felt an unsettling feeling in her gut,_** as she begins to believe that her boyfriend was acting odd. Having known Beck Oliver for so long, she could almost find herself certain about it; but she was also sure that he wouldn't tell her anytime soon, considering that he's been avidly dodging the subject at hand. He was a good actor; she'd give him that. But she had been with him long enough to be able to tell that something was wrong; the same way he could tell with her.

Trying to get out a reason from Beck Oliver, though, was as difficult as getting one from Jade West. And although he wasn't as good as Jade when it came to hiding things (because she had years of experience), Beck truly had a talent for acting. Perhaps it was the influence of his calm and cool facade, that way no one else was able suspected his mood. But Jade could've sworn that she could see it in his eyes.

"Hey" she enters the room with two hangers of clothes in her hand.

"Hi" he returns the greeting with a smile, as he closes the book he was reading while waiting for class. It doesn't get past Jade how he seemed to force it.

Nevertheless, she decides to observe the situation closer, reverting to the purpose of her visit as she held up the brown leather jacket and blue Hawaiian shirt, "You're wearing this to the Cow Wow"

"Okay" he passively agrees, with the same smile on his face, inevitably managing to piss her off almost immediately. Jade holds back from interrogating him, but at that point she was certain that something's wrong, and he was too stubborn to tell her.

"What? You don't like it?" Jade snaps at him like she usually does.

"I—" Beck looks at her unsurely wondering what she was so mad about, "I said _okay_?"

"You didn't even look at it" she counters, pointing out his behavior, how passive he's being. She wishes she could read his mind in the same way he wants to do so with her. She wishes she could know what was running through his head—what he was trying so hard to hide from her.

"I just—" he remains oblivious to her thoughts and what he was supposed to say, "I don't really—"

"This is the first social event in this school that we're going to since we got back together," Jade reminds him, taking note of how passive he's been acting since just a few days ago. She wants to tell how important this day was, and how he should speak up about his problems if they want to actually go to the event she was looking forward to.

"'Kay?" he looks at her in utter confusion, and Jade hates how he's playing dumb.

"You want to know what I'm going to wear?"

"Uhhh—"

Before he even got a chance to answer, she talks over him, "I'm gonna wear a Hawaiian skirt, a black western top and a cowboy hat"

"That sounds great" he simply agrees, trying to put his thoughts past him. And she manages to keep note of it. Jade hates how he keeps maintaining that front with her, and it doesn't take long before she snaps.

"What is wrong with you?!" she exclaims, pertaining to something else apart from their current conversation.

It's been days that they have officially gotten back together and a small part of her fears that he seemed like he was regretting it. After learning about the things he kept from her during their exchange of thirteen questions that occurred a couple of weeks ago, she knows she can't let this one pass. Although before she even manages to extract an answer, Robbie Shapiro enters the room looking for Cat Valentine, who immediately makes a run for it. Seeing the commotion, Jade bites the inside of her cheek, and decides to wait a little bit more.

"What boots should I wear: black or brown?" She changes the topic, and he answers as if just wanted to calm her down.

"Brown"

She tries to get him mad, to get any emotion of him that can possibly serve as a hint. So, she shouts, "Just make a decision!"

But he ends up feeling lost; because although he missed _this_ , a part of him also wonders what she seemed so mad about. Because what they both didn't know was how he didn't notice how odd he was behaving, continuously denying the things that has been bothering him for the last few days.

As soon as she catches him after their third period, before Beck even realizes, she takes a hold of his hand and drags him to the janitor's closet. When she slams the door shut, she was greeted by a dumbfounded expression on his face which eventually morphs into confusion. But she knows he's hiding something, and she was done with waiting for him to say it.

"What is wrong with you?" she sternly repeats the same phrase she had asked earlier that day.

"What are you talking about?" he returns the question, exasperated and confused. He doesn't think he was in the mood to fight right now.

"I am not letting you back out there until you _spit it out_ " Jade demands, and Beck wonders if she noticed.

_He was scared._ If there was anything that Beck Oliver feared, it was losing Jade West — a fear he discovered only recently.

It had only been more than a week since they got back together, and although he knew things would be different, a part of him wonders how long it would take before things turn back to normal. How long it would take before they are completely comfortable. How long it would take before she completely trusts him. How long it would take before he hears her tell him she loves him back.

Because although he has never been scared in their relationship, and although he never pressured her to tell him those three words when they first started dating, Beck Oliver did not want to remember the pain of watching her walk out the door so easily. He didn't want to remember how often she dodged his touch or told him to get his hands off her. He didn't want to remember how distant she had been.

Things were different from before, and although he knew that, a part of him can't shake off the fact that it didn't feel _normal_. He was afraid of the possibility that he wasn't enough for her, that he wouldn't be able to make her happy, that she was with him only due to her fear of being alone. And he could tell from the way she acted, because oftentimes she would pull away so quickly, oftentimes she doesn't ask him to spend time with her and oftentimes she wasn't as jealous as before. It causes his heart to race nervously, at the thought of Jade drifting away from him. But he won't tell her that.

He _can't_ tell her because if she does answer it like he thinks she would, then it would make it all feel real. And he'd take anything he has as long she was back with him.

" _Jade_ " He tries to talk to her and avert the topic away, but she catches this behavior.

"See!" the blue-eyed girl raises her voice, stating her observation for the last few days, "You're too tired to even fight back! I'm not putting up with this farce, so say it!"

She wasn't in the mood to joke about it or to buy his excuses, and he knew well enough that she was onto him. They both knew that if this kept up, history would eventually repeat itself. It felt like they were walking on thin ice, So, it takes a couple of moments before he decides to make a move.

He pressed his lips against hers without warning. It wasn't soft nor gentle. It was almost crass and desperate, and she was able to taste blood from the cut on her lip produced by the impact. And although she doesn't like it when boys ask permission if they could kiss her, his forcefulness makes her blood boil, as she misunderstands his actions as an attempt to shut her up.

"Beck! We're talking—" she pushes him away as soon as the rage travel through her veins.

She was mad until she sees the look in his eyes, eventually feeling a pang of pain in her chest. It was something she never expected to see in Beck Oliver's brown eyes: fear, worry and insecurity; because it wasn't so often that the boy appeared vulnerable in front of her.

Her heart tightens, as his voice cracks, "Say you love me."

" _Please_ " he adds the magic word, despite how she didn't even demand it.

The girl was taken aback because _she_ had always been the one to say those words, and it was Beck who patiently waited for her to say it. She never thought that there would come a day their roles would reverse, and she wonders what in the world made him feel that way. She never thought he would feel the way she did before. And that one look into his eyes made her feel as if his anxiety was contagious.

Amidst the confusion, she decided to get answers first. "What has gotten into you—"

"Do you still love me?" he cuts her off quietly, barely whisper. His voice was so soft she barely managed to catch it.

He doesn't meet her eyes as he says it, and right then she breathes out, " _Oh my god_."

The boy tenses as soon as he hears her words, and inches away in fear of rejection. At this, Jade cups his face to look him directly in the eye, to let him know she was sincere and serious, that she wasn't just lying just so it won't hurt him. Since when did she care about protecting other's feelings, anyway? Jade West was blunt and straightforward, known for her brutal honesty.

"You're an idiot," She starts, giving him a quick peck on the lips before continuing.

"Of course, I love _you_ , you dumbass. Do you think _I'm_ the type of person who settles for someone she doesn't like?" she points out, reminding him of how often she both terrified and rejected her pursuers.

And then she kids, "No offense, babe, but if I didn't love you, with your looks you'd just be a one-night stand at most."

He smiles slightly at that, even returning the joke, "Not even a two-night stand?"

" _Sure_ , boost your ego" she smirks playfully despite the way she rolled her eyes at him. The girl leans in one more time to give him a kiss, longer and gentler than the first one they had.

"That's what's been eating you up?" she confirms as they catch a breath to talk.

"It's just not the same for the past few days," He confesses, "You pull away so easily, we don't hang out as often as we used to, and I never heard you say it back. I could never read your mind—and I _just_... _I got scared_ "

"You got scared? The _unscareable_ Beck Oliver?" she's surprised to even say such words, because as far she knows, he had always been the fearless one. He was the rock she leaned on. And only now did she realize the influence of the breakup on him, despite how they managed to mend their relationship.

"Looks like you're not as brave anymore, babe" she teases, pulling her close to him.

"It's lame" he mutters.

"It's cute" the girl corrects him, before explaining herself.

"I guess I've been trying to adjust since I haven't been used to being with you again, ever since we learned to be our own people," her blue eyes meet his brown orbs once more, "But that doesn't mean that I don't love you. We're putting everything back to pieces and that takes time. Besides, it's not too bad exploring outside our circle. This way we can hang out with our friends, and you won't miss out with Andre and the others. We can't revolve our world just around each other all over again"

"But that doesn't mean that you have to hold back. I can still come over anytime, and I'm just a call away. You can tell me anything. Yeah?" she reminds him. And it's enough for him; because he's finally affirmed it will happen, that everything will piece itself eventually.

The boy nods in acknowledgement but he doesn't say another word before she asks him to.

"Say you love me" she requests, the same way she used to.

"Magic word?"

"Lotion."

"Nice try."

" _Please_ " she gives in, rolling her eyes at him.

He answers immediately, "I love you."

At this she can't help but smile, "I love you too"

* * *

**_Beck Oliver felt like the luckiest man in the world_** to be able to have Jade West for himself, because he had the privilege of seeing all sides of her.

The girl did keep her word, that their relationship would eventually piece itself together. Although things did feel different, it was slowly coming into place.

 _She matured_ , that much he can tell, but he was extremely relieved that the same Jade he fell in love with has always been there. The same girl who demanded he pick her up before he heads for school.

It wasn't always that Beck Oliver had gone to her house, considering that she most often went to his. If Jade West had a say, it would be that the RV was more of a home than her mother's house; because, although, she lived with her mother and her younger brother, she was more often with Beck than her own house. Mainly for the reason that either her brother was with their grandparents or her mother was always working overtime to support the family, and she'd rather not stay home alone like some loner.

Beck did visit her from time to time, but ever since the breakup, he hadn't exactly used the front door of her house. He only snuck in her balcony that one time, which only she happened to know about. And he hasn't exactly spoken to any of her family members in the span of their break.

It's been a while since he set foot in their house, so he sucks in his breath to brace himself to enter her house _legally_. But before he even rings the doorbell, the front door swings open and a woman in her late 40s walks out in a hurry, stopping in her tracks when she catches sight of him.

"Oh my," Jade's mother seemed genuinely surprised to see him.

She wasn't as involved in her daughter's personal life, and Jade would never willingly share any information about it. But she wasn't dumb nor oblivious, she was well aware of what happened the moment her child came home crying and locking herself in her room. And although, one would normally confront their child about their problems, she knows that her daughter could get through it. She believed in her daughter's strength, knowing that as a divorced single mother, she wouldn't be the best example to talk to her about it; that her child would only lash out on her. But she knew that Jade would eventually find herself.

And she did. But it takes a while until her mother notices how the brazen girl seemed a lot happier in the past few weeks. The specific reason _why_ , just so happened to be standing in front of her doorstep at the moment.

The woman couldn't help but smile, as she informs the boy, "Jade just woke up. She's getting ready. You might want to wait in the living room"

"Okay. Thanks" Beck greets politely as she lets him in her home, right before she heads for work.

"Oh, sweetie?" she calls out before she walks out the door, and Beck looks up to acknowledge her.

"Take care of her this time" Jade's mother gave him a knowing look. Because unlike Jade West, whom his parents only (completely) accepted when they saw the impact of the breakup on their lovely son, Jade's mother was wholeheartedly fond of Beck. She knows that he can tell her daughter off; that he can hold her back from trouble; that he accepts Jade for who she was.

At this, Beck smiles as he genuinely promises, "I will."

When the raven-haired boy walks into their living room, the last person he expected to talk to was Jade's little brother, Jordan. And although he did spend time with the kid, it had been a while since he saw the boy, considering that his breakup with Jade had lasted for more than half a year. He wasn't even sure if the nine-year old could remember him, but he speaks up anyway.

"Hey, kiddo" Beck greets as he enters the room to find the younger boy eating breakfast in front of the television as an animated film came to play.

"Beck?" the mop of brown hair turns to face him, "You're back?"

He doesn't think deeply of what the kid meant but he does tell him what he's there for, "I'm here to pick up your sister. We'll drop you off to school on the way."

"You're dating Jade again?" the boy asked, and Beck wonders how he should reply to that. For a nine-year old he was definitely perceptive.

"You broke up, right? Earlier this year." Jordan adds when he doesn't speak, and Beck wonders how the kid knows that, especially since Jade was not the type to tell a child about her problems.

But he does manage to answer, although he wasn't proud of the fact, "Yeah."

Beck runs a hand through his hair uncomfortably as he sucks in a breath. It takes a moment before they break the silence. The nine-year old doesn't look him in the eye, but he could've sworn he heard him say, "It was the first time I saw her cry."

And it crashes down on him—the realization of the impact of their breakup for Jade West. Because even though she did say that she was a mess through it, he was never really able to imagine how it had been to her. He was wreck, but surely, she didn't appear as bad as he did. Did she?

"Jade is like the coolest person I know," the little boy continues when Beck doesn't speak, "She's mean and scary most of the time. But I never thought anything could make her cry. She used to do it almost every night and I would wake up and see her crying and she'd get mad if I caught her."

Beck Oliver genuinely felt bad, because even he can't imagine what the kid had seen his sister go through, but he thinks he knows what he felt, so Beck asks, "You mad at me?"

And it doesn't come as a surprise when the boy shrugs, "Kinda."

"But if she's happy now then I probably know why" Jordan give him a small smile, caused by his childlike innocence, "Don't hurt her again."

"I don't plan to" Beck assures him, even raising his hand as they seal it with a pinky promise.

"And don't tell her I said that. She's gonna tease me again" the kid adds thereafter.

At this he couldn't help but ask, "Why?"

"Because Jade is stronger than I am, and she said that it's why I don't have to protect her. But I think it's unfair how Sis is the one doing that all the time." the brown-haired boy complains, and he couldn't help but chuckle at the child's words.

His heart softens at the thought of his girlfriend taking care of her brother, although it seemed unlike her. It makes him happy to see how he had the privilege of knowing how kind she could be. Sometimes he wishes that Jade was aware of how much everyone around her cared about her.

"You're a good kid, Jordan." Beck ruffles the kid's hair, "Thanks for giving me another chance."

"What are you boys yammering about?" Jade West's sharp voice interrupts their heartfelt conversation, as she enters the room in blue high heels and a fancy azure dress, that showed off her pale white legs, accented by the silver jewelry that hung on her neck. He finds her breathtaking as soon as he catches sight of her.

"Why are you dressed like a princess? Aren't you also going to school?" her brother looks up at her, incredibly confused.

"Don't call me that" Jade snaps, handing her boyfriend her school bag as she holds an amplifier in her hand.

"What's with the dress?" Beck kisses her temples as he grabs her bag for her.

"I have a flour bomber to catch" she fills him in, with a mischievous glint her eyes.

And he breathes out, "You look great, babe."

"So, yesterday I looked gross?" she argues playfully.

"No, I just find you prettier the longer I've known you" he counters smoothly and leans in with a kiss. Because in his eyes she had always been so breathtakingly beautiful.

" _Ew_." Jordan scrunches up his face in disgust as he looks at them to complain, "You're gonna make me late for school!"

Jade pulls away momentarily to roll her eyes at her brother before giving Beck another peck on the lips and walking towards the door. As they enter his car, she asks them before shutting the door, "What did you talk about, anyway?"

" _Nothing_ " Jordan sing songs as he climbs at the back seat of the car, throwing his bag inside.

Jade narrows her eyes at Beck to get answers, but he just returns it with a playful smirk. "Just catching up on some boy's talk."

* * *

**_Jade West felt bad_** for trying to dodge Beck's invitation to watch drag racing, because karma got back at her quite easily. When Erwin Sikowitz challenged his students to say _'yes'_ the whole day, the only thing she thought she had to avoid was Beck's initial plan to trick her. And she did manage to avoid him after hearing their conversation in the hallway, but it also ended up with her agreeing with everything Tori Vega threw at her, which turned out to be the greater evil.

In the first place, had she just allowed him to convince her, then they would've been cuddling in his RV after that race, instead of dressing up as cheese and being featured in that stupid show, _Divertisimo_. The only thing good that could have possibly come out that night, was the fact that Beck Oliver couldn't say no when she demanded he pick her up. Although, nevertheless, even without the challenge, he would have done it anyway.

"Oh, I have a surprise for you," he brings up, right after she rants about what Trina's horrid show made her do.

"No!" Jade immediately answers as if it were a question, and Beck retorts as if he anticipated what she'd say.

"But you _can't_ say no."

She would give anything to wipe that smug grin off his face.

"Beck, you know I _hate_ surprises" the girl groans, clearly so done with the day.

"Which is why I'm giving you a heads up" he tries to convince her, although he was driving them there anyway. " _Please_?"

" _Fine_ " Jade grumbles.

Beck Oliver had worked on this surprise for weeks, all because it didn't sit well with him that Jade West wrote him a song, and he's barely done anything to show her how much he appreciates her. Heck, Andre Harris wrote Jade West a song over a year ago, and he wasn't even the one she was dating. Even Sinjin wrote her poems, and she complained that her own boyfriend didn't. So, he somehow attempts to plan a perfect night with her.

That's why, although it was initially planned at a later date, he thinks it's better to use their teacher's challenge to his advantage. So, as soon as the drag race he attended with Sinjin ends, he sets up his RV to prepare for his surprise, before he drives over to the Vega's household to pick up Jade to drive them back.

"Really? Your RV?" the raven-haired girl climbs down his car, unimpressed.

"It was last minute" Beck defends himself, calming her down with a kiss on the cheek.

"So, what did you have in store?" Jade crosses her arms as she waits for him to unlock the door.

"Couple of cliches" he shrugs, and she narrows her eyes at him. He knows she hates surpises— knows she hates cliches.

"You're getting back at me, aren't you?"

"Is someone being a Negative Nancy?" Beck imitates Sikowitz, earning an eyeroll from his girlfriend.

As soon as he opens the door, she walks in ahead of him, greeted by the illumination of the fairy lights hung around the room. A fresh bouquet of roses lay on the table beside two mugs of coffee, one made just the way she likes it.

"Flowers? _Really_?" She looks behind to face him, looking unimpressed, "Didn’t you have a list of stuff I hate?"

"I _know_. I bought them for you to cut up," he smirks proudly and hands her a bouquet of scissors.

"Now you're talking" a small smile lights up her face, a look he equally returns.

She makes her way to sit on the other side of the table, taking a sip of coffee before grabbing the roses on the table. "Okay, I'll give you a chance. Impress me."

Beck walks towards the guitar leaning on his wall, while she cuts up the heads of the flowers, he bought her. He then sits beside the blue-eyed maiden, facing her before speaking.

"Before you say anything, I'll just remind you that between the two of us, music is _your_ thing" He speaks up, holding his guitar, the only instrument he learned how to play seeing as it was a requirement in Hollywood Arts.

"But to make sure it's good enough for an audience, Andre helped me out a bit and I got his seal of approval" Beck adds in before she speaks up, to let her know that it wasn't _that_ bad, at least he hopes it won't be.

"A serenade?" she quirks an eyebrow at him as she asked, "I don't remember dating a sap."

" _You_ were the one who sang to me in front of the whole school" he counters her harmless insult with a smirk, reminding her of her performance during the Full Moon Jam.

"Who says I sang to _you_?" Jade retorts, although she clearly did do it for him.

"From what I remembered, you couldn't stop looking at me. Now, shut up and let me sing you my song"

"You can't tell me what to do"

He leans in to give her a quick kiss, before she finally gives him permission to start, "Okay, go on."

Beck Oliver was not exactly a musician, but Jade had always appreciated his voice. He only sung in a handful of performances, such as musicals and some other plays, but aside from the song they barely finished during the Full Moon Jam (considering that they made out half-way through it) he had not sung alongside her in public. Unknown to everybody else, his voice matched Jade West's, and although he wasn't as fond as music as she was, she had the privilege of hearing his voice as he sings alongside her in his RV during the sleepless nights they spent together. It was one of those moments she held dear, although she never vocalized its sentimental value.

Thus, when he holds the instrument in his lap, and he strums its strings, she stops what she's doing to give him her full attention, because she was genuinely touched that he wrote her a song. The guitar sounds throughout the place they call home, as she sips her mug of coffee, while listening to his voice. The lyrics of the song depicts all the words he never managed to tell her.

_No, I'm never gonna leave you darling_

_No, I'm never gonna go regardless_

_Everything inside of me, is leaving in your heartbeat_

_Even when all the lights are fading_

_Even then, if your hope was shaking_

_I'm here holding on_

He reminds her of all her insecurities. All the moments she left him, in which she had ran away in fear of losing him first. She recalls their break ups, the memories of their fights, all the dark moments, and the tears that she had shed because of him. He reminds her of all the moments she cried in his arms, as he assured her with kisses. He reminds her that he was there to stay.

_I will always be yours forever and more_

_For the push and the pull_

_I still drown in your love_

_And drink till I'm drunk_

_And all that I've done, is it ever enough_

He reminds her of their beginnings; of how they spent every free minute they could spend with each other. Their sleepless nights, and the early dawns they stayed up to watch. All the words they shared with each other and every memory that mattered.

_I'm hanging on a line here baby_

_I need more than ifs and maybes_

_We'll come down from the highest heights_

_Still searching for the reason why_

_And now I know what it's like,_

_Reaching from the other side_

_After all that I've done_

He reminds her of his insecurities. The sight of his eyes full of fear and worry. Because despite how unemotional and calm he could be, the only person who could stir his emotions had always been Jade West. Despite how numb he tended to be, the one fear he had seemed to stem from the thought of losing her. But despite his uncertainties, the boy promises to himself that he would not let her go again.

_I will always be yours forever and more_

_For the push and the pull_

_I still drown in your love_

_And drink till I'm drunk_

_And all that I've done, is it ever enough_

He reminds her of every time he touched her— it was the way he showed her his affection. From the simple way their fingers brushed against each other, to the pecks on the cheek, the kisses on her temples and the feeling of his lips against hers. It was the many times he got drunk off of the feeling her touch, almost as if he felt lost if it weren't for their close proximity; the way he was dazed after every time he kissed her.

_For all that it's worth, is it worth it'_

_Cause more than it's hard to desert it_

_For all that it's worth, is it worth it'_

_How do we know without searching'_

He reminds her of the thirteen questions they shared that night. Their honest thoughts built up from more than two years, all crammed in an hour. The most they shared about each other, and the one time they talked about what they never had the courage to talk about. God, was he glad that he was able to _kidnap_ her from her balcony that night.

_I will write you this song to get back what's ours'_

_Would that be enough'_

He reminded her of the song she sung on the Full Moon Jam. The reason why they were back together, the reason why he couldn't resist to kiss her on stage. And although their relationship was different from before, he wants her to know that he would do whatever he can to put things back together.

_I will always be yours forever and more_

_For the push and the pull_

_I still drown in your love_

_And drink till I'm drunk_

_And all that I've done, is it ever enough_

He reminds her of how much she meant to him. Like a flame that flickered, she was dauntless; and he found himself easily addicted to the adrenaline of being with her. Because when you take away the sun from Icarus, all that's left is a boy who isn't determined to fly the sky.

_For all that it's worth, is it worth it'_

_Is it ever enough'_

_How could we know without searching'_

_Is it ever enough'_

He reminds her of how much he loves her. How she made his heart beat faster. How he was a mess without her. How she felt like the warmth of the sun on a winter day. She was the dose of emotion he needed in his mediocre life. 

He wonders if all he did was ever enough, and she easily answers as soon as he finishes the song.

"I love you" Jade wraps her arms around him and gives him a kiss. _In fact, it felt as if she loved him more than she already has._

She hadn't been this happy in years, and tears are threatening to fall from her eyes, but she holds it in because Jade West doesn't cry after being serenaded by some guy.

Okay, but Beck Oliver was not _some_ guy. Although, her pride still wouldn't allow her. So, she just sucks in a breath, and tries not to say anything else in fear of crying out in happiness. _Jade West isn't some girl who would cry for chick flick cliches_ , she insisted.

Beck Oliver had always been better with words than she was, but she was never one to lose. After all, Beck and Jade always challenged one another. It was what fueled their fights as if it were a competition, as if they fought fire with fire. And although at times, it didn't turn out well, there were also moments when they brought out the better version of each other.

So, although it's a couple months early, because she believes it would've been better to give it as a gift on his birthday, anniversary or even Christmas, she decides to give it anyway. Because giving it as a gift on an important date would be cliche and predictable— and she hated that. _That_ , and she also wants to beat his little performance that almost made her cry.

"I got you _a can of lemonade_ " she tells him, reaching towards her bag, and he looked at her as if he misheard her.

"Lemonade?" the boy wonders why she would bring it up out of the blue, or why she even got him one.

"What? You don't want it?" Jade looks at him daringly, with her typical sarcastic demeanor.

"No," he calms her down with a smile, "Give it."

Although, despite his words, he certainly did not expect the girl to whip out a draft of papers in her bag and set it in front of him. The bundle of papers appears to be a screenplay entitled _A Can of Lemonade_ , featuring the story of a soldier stuck in a coma, and his lover who visits him every day, reminding him of a number of memories they had together.

Jade West had a spectacular skill in writing despite the fact that many find her work disturbing. She even had the courage to tackle what even the school refused to let her. It was one of the many things he loved about her; her passion for her art, her determination to keep doing what she loved despite everyone else who told her otherwise.

He couldn't believe he wrote one specially based on their relationship. Because, although he and their friends did what they could for her production, Well Wishes, he never had the privilege to watch it live after that one showing. And he wasn't even satisfied by her father's lacking response. Although he never said it, he thinks it's a waste to have done so much for someone like her father.

But _this_ — this took his breath away. Because it was the most meaningful thing she could have done for him. Not only because of how they were both fond of theater, but also because he knows that the moment she writes about someone, it shows how important they were in her life.

"You wrote me a script? A love story?" he couldn't believe his eyes.

"What? You don't like it?"

"No, it's— _Wow_. I don't know what to say" he was at a loss for words. "I thought you hate romance-based plays?"

"Not tragedies"

"You wrote me a romantic tragedy?"

"Just read it and find out why I get you lemonade every year" she sips on her mug of coffee, snipping the remaining roses as she motions for him to do so.

He takes a breath before looking her in the eye, " _God_ , _I love you so much_ , did you know that?"

"If I write crap, you better _still_ love me"

"I do _and_ your work is always amazing, anyway. I'm so damn lucky to have you"

"Flattery won't work on me, babe. _Hurry_ ," she demands for him to flip the page, and he leans in for a kiss before beginning. He reads through the dialogue of the female protagonist, recalling their own memories in each scene inspired by each message Jade wanted to tell him.

**_I._ **

_The protagonist enters the scene, her lover laying in the hospital stuck in a coma, as she speaks, "Do you remember when you made me my first cup of coffee? How we got a ton of laughs when you barely even knew how to boil a pan of water. Even so, you always kept in mind how I liked my coffee, and you brewed me one every single morning we were together. You always considered what I wanted."_

He remembered how he made Jade, her own coffee in the mornings she stayed over, and how he often bought a cup when he drove to pick her up. How she always told him how she wanted it, even though he memorized it word per word. He remembered how back then, he hardly even knew how to work the coffee maker, how from then he eventually learned how to cook her meals when she was left alone at home.

**_II._ **

_The next day, she enters the same room, carrying a box of the letters he sent her throughout the years, "Do you remember the first letter you wrote me? How every time I had a bad day, you always said the words I wanted to hear. There were so many moments you made me smile, but the most important ones were when you heard me out. You were always my shoulder to lean on."_

He remembered the first time he ever saw her cry. How his heart tightened at the sight of the girl known for her terrifying demeanor, crawled up in a ball at the corner of the janitor's closet. How he held her close and let her release her pent-up emotions, and how after everything, she walked out of it with her normal facade. He recalls how he wrote her a note, asking how she was because he knew she'd keep her mask on. How in many other times, he would kiss her to sleep and keep her in his arms. How he would whisper words in her ears, assuring her how she was more than what she thought she was, to help her fight her insecurities. He was the one of the few who had a privilege of seeing her vulnerability.

**_III._ **

_The following day, the door opens, and the girl returns after speaking with the doctor, "Do you remember the first time you said you love me? How I asked you not to say those words. How you told me to ask for it when I was ready to hear it. How I was eventually the first one to ask. You always told me when I asked you, no matter how we fought, no matter what happened. You always gave me courage to face my fears"_

He remembered the first time he tried to tell her that he loved her. That it was the reason why she always asked him instead. How instead of telling him those three words, she only requested, " _say you love me_." How he countered her fear, by allowing her to control the very words she was afraid to hear and say. How it took so long for her to tell him, and how content and ecstatic he was to hear the words come out from her mouth.

**_IV_ ** _._

_The lady holds the jewelry hanging on her neck, fiddling with its pendant, "Do you remember the necklace that you got me? The one you created out of a lost gem you found in the closet of your old home. The one that matches the color of your eyes. The one that reminds me of you when we're miles apart. You find the simplest ways to assure me, despite all my doubts."_

He reminds her of how they found washers in his toolbox. How he initially suggested to make it a necklace to assure her that he was hers and she was his. How it reminded him of her when they were apart. It was the first items they matched. It had been a constant she kept with her, especially during the times he was in Canada, during the times she need him the most. And although she lost hers somewhere along the line, it was nice to know that she always held the memory dear.

**_V_ ** _._

_As the next few days pass, she brings flowers to his room and places it in the vase beside his bed, "Do you remember when you bought me flowers late at night just because I asked for it? You couldn't find any stores, and you decided to pick some in our friend's garden. You always done so much for me, even though I could never return it."_

He remembers the time she asked him for hair dye, no matter how unreasonable she was, he got it any way. He searched high and low, through every store, until Cat called him to tell her she had some. No matter how demanding Jade could be, he always carried through. He moved to an RV because of how he fought with his parents about her. He listened to her every whim, and it was only now that she ever told him how grateful she was.

**_VI._ **

_It's almost been a week for her daily visits, yet all she could do was hold her lover's hand as she speaks, "Do you remember when you stayed with me at the hospital after I fell off the stairs because I insisted on remodeling the house. How everyone seemed to think I was crazy, but nevertheless, you always supported my decisions."_

He remembers how he went with her to get her first tattoo and how he was with her the first time she got a piercing. How despite how everyone told her of how crazy it was for a fourteen-year-old to get such things on her body, despite how she got an earful from her parents, and how they even threatened to kick her out, Beck had always supported her decisions. He was her only ally.

**_VII._ **

_Seven days has passed, as she looks out the window and recalls, "Do you remember when you learned an instrument to play my favorite songs? How you sung to me for all the moments I couldn't fall asleep. How you were the distraction I needed. You were always the one person who could calm the chaos in me"_

He remembers the playlist he made for her, the one they listen to during road trips, the one she hears on nights she couldn't fall asleep, the one she keeps during all the moments she'd rather not hear her own thoughts. He recalls the many times he held her back, from hurting others, from hurting herself. How he always knew what to do to calm the storm inside her. He had always been her escape from the mess that brewed in her mind.

**_VIII_ ** _._

_There was an unsettling feeling in her gut, right after the conversation she had with the doctor. All she could do was sit near his hospital bed as she spoke, "Do you remember when you climbed up my room just to greet me on my birthday? How despite the fact that you didn't greet me 'till noon, you snuck in my room to give me a present? And even though you said not to expect anything and that it wasn't even expensive, I thought it was worth the wait. You yourself would always be priceless; the best gift I could ever ask for."_

He remembers the one time she was upset because he didn't greet her until two in the afternoon on her birthday. That time she thought he forgot about it, when it turned out he was just worrying about what to get her the whole day. He remembers how worried he was that all he could get her was a card, and a number of his favorite pictures of her. The ones with her brightest smiles, the ones that captured her essence, the one he took of her himself. He always found himself so happy to have someone like _her_ , whose beauty would never compare to anyone else.

_IX._

_The girl could tell that the clock was ticking, she was running out of time, but there was nothing she could do. She holds his hand, pressing her head against it as she spoke, "Do you remember when I wrote a book that no one was willing to read. It was a single copy, yet you gave up your chance to read it, to give it to my father. You always sacrificed so much that I could ever ask for."_

He remembers her production, _Well Wishes_. How hard she worked on it. How everybody else believed it was too disturbing. How he found her in the janitor's closet cutting up a big trash can. And at that, although he doesn't know any other way to help her because he doesn't want to mess it up, all he could do was make sure the person she wrote it for was there in the auditorium. He made sure that her father was there to watch her play like she wanted, even though he honestly wanted to be there to watch it for her. Instead, he had to settle for a video recording. Nevertheless, he accepted it, because he knows just how happy she was to finally receive the very words of affirmation that she never received from her father.

_X._

_The lady holds back her tears, holding her lover's hand for the very last time, "Do you remember when you took my hand, and we ran away for one night. When we desperately searched for an escape from all our problems, and you honestly asked me if I was truly willing to run away from home. You had always been my safe place, my comfort and happiness. I would go anywhere as long as I'm with you."_

He remembers the night he took her out. How the first thing he did when he finally got his license, he drove to her home and called her, knowing she had a bad time at her father's and a fight with her mother. How he took it upon himself to bring her to his RV, to make sure she felt like she was home. How it eventually did feel like her home, because there was no other place that she felt safer, other than his embrace.

**_XI_ ** _._

_Standing in front of the grave of her lover, the woman spoke for the last time, as soon as she set the flowers on the ground, "Do you remember the last thing I did for you? I only got you a can of lemonade when I learned that you were leaving. I knew that even though I hated the drink, it had always been your favorite. But it was more than that._

_We met when you spilled a glass of lemonade on me. I was initially furious, but I didn't expect that years later we would be together. And although, I was never good at expressing my emotions and showing you how much I cared. It was the most memorable thing that reminded me of our relationship. It was both the beginning and the end; the only thing I was able to do for you."_

He remembers the start of their relationship, how he used to give it his all. How, during the days leading up to their last break up, they had lost the passion they once had. How he stood her up and missed her calls. How he prioritized everything else over her, even the opinions of others towards them.

He remembers the first time they met, and every single time she got him lemonade for his birthday. He remembers how he told Tori Vega about how he could never remember the one-time Jade West did anything nice for him. But he knew. Now, Beck realizes that she had done so much for him, and he honestly felt bad for being so ungrateful.

She gave him courage to stand up for himself, to make his own decisions, to become better than he was. She gave him the emotions he never felt, the feelings that gave life to all those dull moments. How his life used to be so black and white, and he finally saw color when he met her. She gave him chances, so many chances, to have her back. She always came back to him no matter what pain they went through; and it was truly what mattered.

The script Jade wrote was inspired by their relationship. It was the ten things he gave to her and the one thing she gave him. It was the ten things she honestly wanted to tell him and the one thing that could express how much she loved him.

Their relationship was like a can of lemonade. Although not as good as the normal— although, they appear to be dysfunctional— they lasted longer. There were also sweet moments, the ones that made them stay. And no matter how much she hates it, she'll get it for him anyway.

And that's how he knows. Now, he fully understands that there was so much more that he didn’t know about Jade West. That she treasured the little moments as much as she did. That she had always put him on a pedestal, despite how oftentimes she acted ungrateful. That she truly and honestly loved Beck Oliver, for who he was and what he had done, and not just who he appeared to be.

_And by the end of it all, he finds himself falling for her all over again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song used:  
>  _[ever enough](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKnVjUxfLJ0)_ ; a rocket to the moon  
> 
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> * * *
> 
> a/n: thank you for completing this story, i had a blast writing it and i am extremely thankful for all the kudos & comments. i hope it was worth the read


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